Learning Why I Wait

The Lord has taught me patience through many trials over the years.    One of the first big ways was to wait on Him to give us baby # 2 SEVEN YEARS after baby #1.     He has fortunately supplied me with more patience with each child when I thought there would be no way I could handle things well.    Not to say that I don't still blow it, but I've gotten better and the Lord has improved my "vision" on what's really important to make a big deal of and what things really don't matter.   I've learned through the many years of trials and troubles to lean on Him and He truly will supply all that I need according to His riches and glory.  Since finding cancer, life has sped up in some ways and really slowed down in others.    The days have gone fast when they were filled with appointment after appointment.   They've slowed down since I'm too ill to go much of anywhere else and the appointments are not daily any longer.  You would think that means I finally have time to catch up on all the chores and school with the children.....but I still don't have that much energy.   However, our school is clicking along at a much better rhythm since I'm not going to radiation each morning. 

I'll be surprised if my life is the same after cancer as it was before.   I've been forced to stop and smell the roses and I have learned to enjoy this much slower pace.   I didn't realize how much of the load I've carried over the years until I've allowed others to help carry it with me.   For example, my husband does the shopping most of the time now when we run out of things.   My eldest daughter has helped out by shopping with children for their needs for me and my eldest son has run other errands for me.  The days of no interrupting errands have been successful school days and even chores are getting more back on schedule.   What you may not know but before I got the cancer, I was laid off from running a book business for a missionary.   That also took me (with different children on different days) 20-30 hours a week away from home.   Unfortunately, we've had to do some retraining because we got really lax with the children on chores when I was at my sickest.   We accepted half done jobs because we didn't have the energy to follow through.   But I will choose to see that as another opportunity to help my children to become better servants of the Lord instead of ONE MORE THING they aren't getting right.   I usually see their poor habits as my poor parenting.   If I take time to train them correctly, they will learn what is expected.   But it takes time...and time is one of our most valuable assets.   Sometimes, it's the thing I don't want to give all of, but we have to be willing to sacrifice much for our families in order for them to flourish as well tended plants in a garden.

Lest you think I have it all together, I'll let you in on the nitty gritty of our home.  Too many habits got way laid during my sickest months:

• my youngest has to be repotty-trained
• we are working on enforcing bed times again
• working on getting our Classical Conversations memory work back on a daily basis (Mon-Fri)
• they watched too much t.v. and played too many video games which we've finally got back under control
• my little ones went nights without me checking their teeth
• even though I've leaned totally on the Lord, my personal Bible reading has been very hit or miss and we just completed our second week of consistent morning Bible in school.
• the bedrooms have not been mama inspected in so long it will take me probably all of March on the weekends to clean out one room at a time "spring clean" style to get things back in order (including my own!!)
• and we just rediscovered the laundry room floor.

Yet, despite all the short-comings, I'm sooo very thankful for this life the Lord has given me.    Thankful for all the time I get to serve my Lord by serving my family.   Thankful for my family picking up so much of my duties and not complaining.   Thankful for the body of Christ who has consistently blessed us with food and money.   Thankful for all those who worked on and gave towards the spaghetti dinner for us.   Thankful for all the encouraging notes and cards, folks who have given my children rides when they needed them to church or soccer practice, folks who have given clothes, paper products, weekly milk deliveries, and all the prayers.   As hard as this has been, the Lord has poured out so much love to me and my family that I have been totally humbled by the generous outpouring.   So what have I learned?   That I'm still learning, the Lord hasn't given up on me yet (phew, big sigh of relief), that I want to truly life this life with as few as regrets as possible and to succeed I'm going to have to be more wise with my time in the future and weigh all opportunities against if it's going to benefit our family or the Lord in the long run.    Well, its my bed time and I haven't challenged my hubby to a round of cards yet.   Yep, that's fun time for us.   Good night. :D

Jonathan Edwards: “Upon time we should set a high value, and be exceeding careful that it be not lost; and we are therefore exhorted to exercise wisdom and circumspection, in order that we may redeem it. And hence it appears, that time is exceedingly precious.”