Great Report from the Doctor

Today I went for my preop appointment with the surgeon.   Boy was that a long ordeal!  Computers were being changed over so had to update all the paperwork for the new system.   Then I had the consultation with the doctor.   I won't go into the next part but let's just say that insurance doesn't cover cat scans before surgery because they are going to open you up anyway to see what's going on.  However, the doctor still wants to see how the tumor responded to chemo and radiation.   After the total violation of the "EXIT ONLY" area, I did get a great report for which I am so thankful to the Lord for.   He reminded me that when he checked the tumor last time that it was HUGE.   (He didn't say big or large, but HUGE!)  As far as he can tell now, it's either gone or very small.    Happy dance.   Happy dance.   I sometimes wish I didn't mind being ignorant, instead I then wanted him to tell me exactly EVERYTHING about the procedure I am having on April 11th.  He drew pictures for me on the paper on the table and showed me where the tumor was, what was radiated, how he will unattach a lot of my colon, where he will cut and reattach.   The surgery is 4 hours long and then I will spend one hour in recovery.   I will be in the hospital 4-7 days.  I will wear a bag for 10-12 weeks after surgery.   If they see more cancer during surgery, I will get chemo again.   After the 10-12 weeks is up, they will reattach me so I don't have to wear a bag.   Was also told that I have just been sped through via radiation and chemo menopause.   I was robbed of weight loss but hey, no hot flashes or emotional ups and downs.   I'll take that.  Then I asked about all the what could go wrong questions.   What was I thinking??   At the end, he asked if I had any more concerns/questions and I was able to testify that although this hasn't been easy that the Lord has been so good to me and my family.    That I have probably cooked 3 meals this year because the rest has been provided by family, friends, or the body of Christ.   He was amazed and asked where in the world do I go to church!   I told him it wasn't just Kiokee that provided, but the home school community, Grace Fellowship folks where we used to worship, and even strangers in the body of Christ who read my blog and felt like helping out.   (I know.  I know.  We don't take candy from strangers but entire meals.)   I was able to testify of the goodness of the Lord during the past three months.   Honestly, I doubt my family and I will remember the toilet hugging, the tiredness, the pains, etc but will never forget the goodness of God in His provisions during the past 3 months from food to finances, encouraging notes, kind phone messages left when I was too tired to answer, transportation for children, and so much more.

When I was laying on the table at the doctors getting examined, honestly, I began crying.   The pain was awful.   The humiliation was worse.  Then I reminded myself, preached again to myself, what was I going to focus on?   Because my thought at the time was this, am I going to be subjected to this for the rest of my life for this old man's disease that I got?   Is this going to be part of a yearly routine?   Then I put into perspective that if the Lord sees fit for me to live a long life and part of my routine is thirty humiliating minutes out of the 8,760 hours I get a year, am I really going to complain?   Really?  Then I prayed.   And the Lord mercifully poured out His peace and reminded me of Psalm 23.   My fears turned to green pastures, still waters, and my soul was restored.   I felt like hitting an "easy button".   Why hadn't I prayed to begin with?   He promised to never leave me nor forsake me, and I was trying to be strong in my own strength after getting frightening news.   I left his office to the hospital preop appointment and then had a nice relaxing lunch with a friend.  

I'm learning more and more that He is faithful.    That being thankful in all things is probably more for my benefit than His.   That I'll never arrive, but will always have to preach to myself of His goodness, His love, and from His Word.   I am praying that He continues to use this for His glory and that my family will always remember this time.   We will have to remind ourselves, of course, because how easily we forget.   Thanks again for all the prayers.