3 down 5 to go! Great day at Chemo.

Chairein!  This is James salutation in the Greek in James 1. It means joy to you.  What a great way to say hello don't you think?  Thanks again to everybody who supports us in prayers, gifts of time & money, meals, and more.   We have been overwhelmed by your generosity.

True confession:   I have been really struggling going back this round of chemo.  The first time I wrestled less knowing I had a huge tumor in me that had to be shrunk fast in order to do surgery.  But since surgery, I miss eating salads and fresh vegetables due to my ostomy.   We try to eat as healthy as our finances can afford for our large family and my mind is having a hard time believing this bland diet is good for me fighting cancer.  I miss nuts too.   We rarely take any medication and we've done few to no immunizations.   Chemo has caused my low blood pressure to be ~145/92 since this round!   I walk most nights trying to get this back down but to no avail.  Chemo has not been an easy choice to begin with.   I've been shown lots of alternatives and have done a lot of research.    I've been praying the Lord would show me what to do. Please Lord give me your wisdom.   Well, I slept so much after this last dose that I just knew my levels would be too low again.   So, I told the Lord if they are too low I am telling the doctor that it's just not working for me and I need to see what alternatives I have... specifically a nutritional route.   However, if my levels are good, I am going to choose to continue the course prescribed unless I just don't have the peace of the Lord.   Would you believe although many of my levels were very low they weren't too low to continue.   DOGGONE IT!   But God had other plans for me today...it was a glorious day at chemo.   I met a single young mother named Tina with two young children who is suffering through breast cancer.   She lost her job as a nurse's aide.   She's been told it's her fault she has cancer. The Lord gave me the opportunity to be an ear to a hurting soul.  Although she is very shy and I was 2 hours sitting next to her before I even got a word, eventually she shared her hurts, doubts, and fears.   She told me she is a believer so I told her she'd have to do what I do and start preaching the Truth to herself.    She is a child of the King who loves her.   We live in a fallen world and bad things happen, BUT GOD who loves us with an everlasting love will never leave us nor forsake us.  He is our provider and shared scriptures of hope with her.  I reminded her that the future for a Christian is as bright as the promises of God.   Have you ever noticed how you share faith with others that your own is bolstered as well?   Then she gave me the privilege of praying for her.   Please lift her up as well.   After that I was able to speak to a woman with lung cancer who had a huge mass in her chest.   She has been so sick that she has lost nearly 50#!  She just can't eat.   She was in the hospital 17 days after her first treatment!!   Well, they decided they needed to giver her body a break for a bit before finishing her treatments.   They did a cat scan to see how she was responding and I got to hear great news!!   The doctor said when you compare her first scan which appeared to cover her entire chest to the new scan that they saw NOTHING!!   Her daughter started hollering hallelujah!   Oh, how we all rejoiced!   If I had canceled my chemo today, I would have missed out on some wonderful, divine appointments.  I interacted with 7 patients today that I would have never known, finished a C.S. Lewis book, and my husband and I had a birthday breakfast with my 11 year old before my appt.  I was able to visit with my mom who brought me lunch at chemo.   While I was gone, the older children mowed the yard today, put leftover spaghetti in the crock pot for dinner this morning, and they kept the house clean.  After I returned and napped, they got their math and reading accomplished despite me! What a fantastic day to be poisoned :).  

Above All Things Put On Charity

Think gently of the erring;
And let us not forget,
However darkly stained by sin,
He is our brother yet.

Heir of the same inheritance,
Child of the self-same God;
He hath but stumbled in the path,
Which we in weakness trod.

Speak gently to him, brother.
Thou yet may'st lead him back,
With holy words, and tones of love,
From mis'ry's thorny track.

Forget not, thou hast often sinn'd,
And sinful yet must be;
Deal gently with the erring one,
as God has dealt with thee.
              ~Anonymous   (Found in The Rescue of Jessica's Mother on 
                                                    London Bridge,1867)

Disclaimer to Battle Plans Post

By the way, if you read my posts and get this dream picture of what an amazing person I am, please know that I fail and fall like everyone else.   In fact, due to an ostomy disaster this morning, my blood pressure which is always low was high due to my response to the mess I had to deal with.   I am as real as you and I stumble, I trip, and I fall all the time.   I struggle to keep up with my housework.  I do school through the summer to keep us on track.   I don't always juggle my responsibilities well and have been known to forget to pay a bill.  The battle plan post is about the things I preach to myself and choose to do as I turn to the Lord to meet all my needs.   Thanks for the sweet comments they do encourage me but I'm as much as a work in progress as you.    The good news is you can serve a God, Jesus Christ, who loves even cracked pots such as ourselves in order for His light to shine through.

Chemo Day & Cancer Battle Plans

A while back I told what it was like to get radiation. Today I'll give you details on a chemo day. When you come in to the cancer center for the first time, you realize you have entered a world you never really thought about or envisioned. After you get weighed (again) and all vitals checked, you may or may not have a visit with the doctor. Afterwards, you head to the treatment room where there are lots of chairs with i.v. bars nearby. You will also see all kinds of people. Cancer does not discriminate in any way. Then the fun begins. If you have a port like myself and your blood levels were high enough, you get stuck and the poisons begin to head on in. Others get their chemo through their veins. People read, nap, listen to music or watch movies on their computers, talk to the person who brought them, etc. Many people keep to themselves, but every now and then you get someone to talk to and hear their story. My visit lasts 4 to 5 hours. You get to know the nurses fairly well and they are really great with everyone. I have been chewing on lately the thought that I am "battling cancer." When my mind envisions a battle, I think of making war plans and pondering good strategies to win the fight. Below are some of the tactics I have been using in hopes of a victory.

1) Being thankful. I Thess. 5:18 says "In everything give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you." How can we give thanks for cancer? For me it's easier than I thought. I have been surrounded by love like never before since my diagnosis. My children have seen the Lord provide our every need. Besides when you focus on the good of each day, doesn't it seem to change your attitude and it tends to bring joy into your soul. It doesn't mean that every day is easy or that I enjoy driving the porcelain bus or being exhausted.   It means finding the good the Lord does send you each day.

2) Laugh...A Lot. Proverbs 17:22. "A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones." I love a good laugh and fortunately our family laughs a lot. A gentleman told me this week that one of the things some of the folks at church have been surprised about is that whenever they see me I am smiling and how it blessed them. I told him that I am choosing to be happy no matter the results. If I don't make it, I don't want my children's memories of me to be of sadness, stress, fear, anxiety, depression, anger, etc. My younger children may only remember this year if I was to pass. I want them to remember playing games, taking walks, ewing and awing over sunsets, starry nights and little babies. I want them to remember us laughing while living life together. I want them to see how the Lord is really with you when you go through trials and that you can trust Him in all things.

 3) Make healthy choices. Whether it's food, physical or spiritual exercise. I even need to make great mental choices....Philippians 4:8 says, "Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things." That narrows down my television, reading, and music choices. This verse keeps me from seeing others with a critical eye and talking about others. This may all sound restricting, but it's really freeing. It helps me "see" the good around me.

4) Resting in His Wisdom  On front of one of the magazines at the doctor's office today, there was a caption of Sharon Osbourne saying she would not let her son die. I thought really....you believe life and death is in your hands? Wow! I am praying for victory, but I realize that sometimes God uses defeats to accomplish His purposes in our lives. Ps 37:23 The steps of a good man are ordered by the LORD: and he delighteth in his way. No matter how things look I know God has a plan. Jeremiah 29:11-13 says For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. Then shall ye call upon me, and ye shall go and pray unto me, and I will hearken unto you. And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart. Even Jesus' followers thought His death was a defeat not yet understanding what a victory it was. I found the following illustration a while back from a sermon I read and thought it was a great example of what may have seemed like a disastrous life brought forth a great man.

At the age of seven, he had to go to work to help support his family. At nine, his mother died. At twenty-two, he lost his job as a store clerk. At twenty-three, he went into debt and became a partner in a small store. At twenty-six, his partner died leaving him a huge debt. By the age of thirty-five, he had been defeated twice when running for a seat in Congress. At the age of thirty-seven, he won the election. At thirty-nine, he lost his reelection bid. At forty-one, his four-year-old son died. At forty-two, he was rejected for a land officer role. At forty-five, he ran for the Senate and lost. At forty-seven, he was defeated for the nomination for Vice President. At forty-nine, he ran for Senate again and lost again. At the age of fifty-one, he was elected President of the United States. During his second term of office, he was assassinated. But his name lives on among the greats in U.S. history--Abraham Lincoln.

I'm still believing in the Lord's victory over this disease in my body. I am not lacking faith. I feel as Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego did in Daniel 3:17-19 "our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and He will deliver us from your hand, O king. 18 But if not, let it be known to you, O king, that we do not serve your gods, nor will we worship the gold image which you have set up.” I do believe God can heal me. Until He tells me otherwise, I believe He is willing. But if not, I still choose to praise Him.

5) Trusting in His Providence This was one of the words the children learned in VBS. The dictionary defines providence as "the foreseeing care and guidance of God or nature over the creatures of the earth. God, especially when conceived as omnisciently directing the universe and the affairs of humankind with wise benevolence." I love this definition because He is a wise and benevolent Father who watches over us. You can trust Him. What battle are you in? Whatever it is I hope that you can find some things to be thankful for, that you can laugh, that you make wise choices, that you find His peace, and that you trust in His providence.

New Free Raffle - 2 "Hymns Songs You Know By Heart"

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Five Deadliest Myths About Colorectal Cancer

TRUTH:   Colon Cancer is the #2 cause of cancer related deaths in men and women!

Myth #1:   Only Old People Get it

Statistically, your odds are greater as you age but 7% of people get it younger than 50.   (Yep, I'm in the 7%!)


Myth #2:  Colorectal Cancer is a Man's Disease

Nope, an equal opportunity disease striking men & women with similar frequency.


Myth #3:  No One in My Family Ever Had Colorectal Cancer, so I'm Not At Risk

80% of people who get this cancer did not have it in their family before.

Myth #4:  I Don't Need to Worry, I feel Fine

This is the worst myth of all.   The average-risk individual's colorectal cancer begins as a polyp that transforms over the course of years into cancer.   Don't wait until you feel bad to get screened. 
(That's what I did.   I had felt fatigued for a loong time but blew it off as busy mom, lots of children, home schooling, etc.  It wasn't until I had changed stools and blood did I get checked and then it was a huge tumor the size of a man's fist.)

Myth #5:   Colorectal Cancer Always Starts with Blood in the Stool

This is based on some reality but you cannot always see the blood.   It may be microscopic.   Some don't bleed at all.


Good News:   90% of colon cancer is curable when caught early enough.    Please be sure to get a colonoscopy when your doctor recommends or earlier if you have any symptoms.   I know it seems embarrassing, but you are out of it when it's done and it's a lifesaver.

Also, although colon cancer is a scary disease, don't walk in fear.   II Timothy 1:7 states that God has not given us a spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

Information found at "What Your Doctor May Not Tell You About Colorectal Cancer", by Mark Bennett Pochapin, M.D.

Tordoff Tournament for Cancer - June 9th

It seemed surreal that a golf tournament was even being planned for us.  Someone, Mychelle Vaughn, whom I met a few years earlier in a Women's Sunday School class found out I had cancer and felt led to do this huge undertaking.  We were both new at Kiokee 3 years ago.   She said I wrote her an encouraging note that she keeps in her Bible still.  To be honest, I have no memory of it.  I do remember praying with and for her.  Never underestimate the power of kindness and how the Lord may use it to bless you!

I had chemo the Monday before the tournament and felt great that day.   Tuesday came and I honestly thought "yes, no side effects for me this time."   Then Wednesday came.   Let me just say that being that sick and having an ostomy bag should be an illegal combination.  Thursday the sickness continues.   We were wondering if I would be able to make it and asked for prayer.   Friday I was slightly nauseated but WORLDS better than before.   I could finally touch and drink cold items which I could not due to the side effects of one of my "poisons".  I had enough energy to "move".   My mom's good friend Sally said it right when she said there is no good way to explain the kind of tired that chemo gives you but all poured out and empty comes close .  The bone pain from the shot to build my white blood cell count began this day mostly in my right femur.   We were happy to wake up Saturday not ill.  We had to get up early to meet at Bojangles.  When we arrived there were motorcycles and a Fox 54 news reporter.   My mother, my daughter Cindy's family, and my brother-in-law Wendell also met us.  We ate breakfast and then were told that we were being escorted to the event.   Besides Wendell, I didn't know but one other person that showed up that morning to spend their hard earned money to ride their own bike to our golf tournament.   We thanked a lot of strangers for showing up.  My children were pretty excited and Emily, 7, loved the sparkly helmet and the bedazzled motorcycle.

We took a 30 minute ride out to the golf course and were shocked to see how many people were already there. 

We walked up and were greeted by Mychelle who introduced us to some of the many people who helped her.   One of the groups she worked with was "The Sons of Thunder".   They seemed genuinely excited to meet us and to be able to do this for us.   Their love for the Jesus and others was apparent immediately.  After introducing me surrounded by my family, Bernard Martin shared scriptures and then they surrounded me and prayed.   The Holy Spirit showed up.

Then they told me that I was to begin the tournament and then the golfers were off.   My mother, daughter and her two children, my eldest son (who worked all night the night before) and his girlfriend, and my 4 youngest children hung around the club house. I needed to stay out of the sun and my bone pain was spreading.   Rusty, Nicholas, and Timothy played on a team with a friend.  Brandon, my son-in-law, his father and two other friends were on another team.  Many of Rusty's friends and coworkers from Richmond county showed up this day to support us.  All the children had a blast!   It was such a beautiful spring day, blue skies, white puffy clouds, and a wonderful breeze.

The golfers finished around one and lunch was served.   My good friend Frankie and her family showed up a bit before this time along with my son-in-law's mother and sister. Afterwards, they handed out the trophies and prizes. It was a lot of fun.  Then they auctioned off a lot of donated things and we couldn't believe the generosity of so many.   We were beyond touched. 

We got home around 3:30 or 4 and rested until 5.  We then left to Crazy Turks for dinner. This restaurant offered to give us 10% of proceeds that day for folks who put their receipts in the donation box.  We had delicious food and lots of great laughs.

They did the rest of the raffle here.  They also sold t-shirts and hero cards which they are continuing to sell for us!

I know I've forgotten many details and don't even know where to begin thanking so many people.   Forgive me.  But we are so very grateful to everyone involved making this day a fantastic memory for our family.   We won't ever forget how special everyone made us feel.   After the tournament, they decided the Tordoff Tournament Against Cancer would be an annual event and next year we'd get to help another family.  I can't wait to bless somebody else the way we've been blessed.

To hear the entire interview you may need speakers.   Below it is the version that made t.v.

When it Rains, it pours .... like a Hurricane!

Chemo went fine Monday and I thought that this time around I was immune to the side effects.  I prayed I would be :D.   Tuesday was great.   Wednesday and Thursday were awful.   In fact, they are a blur.   I cannot believe two days have past that I was so ill.   In fact, I threatened not to go back.   Today I am queasy and tired, but not dying feeling.  Meanwhile, I awoke this morning to find out my husband's cabinet shop was broken into.   ONE.....MORE.......THING.......really?      His spray guns are gone and a box of tools.    They suspect they may be back for the big stuff.  I am so tired from the chemo but strangely enough, still encouraged.    Maybe it's the encouraging notes I get in the mail while still in the storm, the regular influx of meals, or even the big gift we got yesterday.   I am sure I didn't even seem very grateful.   I was so very sick.  Yesterday a sister in Christ delivered gloves, gauze, the shirts my children needed for camp, an outfit each for my two smallest, laundry detergent, dish washing detergent, dish washer detergent, and $40 towards tennis shoe for the boys.   The storm is raging.   The robbery felt like sneaky sideways hurricane winds.   But God....He is here.   And I am thankful. 

Psalm 103

Bless the Lord, O my soul,
    and all that is within me,
    bless his holy name!
²  Bless the Lord, O my soul,
    and forget not all his benefits,
³ who forgives all your iniquity,
    who heals all your diseases,
⁴ who redeems your life from the pit,
    who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy,
⁵ who satisfies you with good
    so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.

⁶ The Lord works righteousness
    and justice for all who are oppressed.
⁷ He made known his ways to Moses,
    his acts to the people of Israel.
⁸ The Lord is merciful and gracious,
    slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.
⁹  He will not always chide,
    nor will he keep his anger forever.
¹⁰ He does not deal with us according to our sins,
    nor repay us according to our iniquities.
¹¹ For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
    so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him;
¹² as far as the east is from the west,
    so far does he remove our transgressions from us.
¹³ As a father shows compassion to his children,
    so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him.
¹⁴ For he knows our frame;
    he remembers that we are dust.

¹⁵ As for man, his days are like grass;
    he flourishes like a flower of the field;
¹⁶ for the wind passes over it, and it is gone,
    and its place knows it no more.
¹⁷ But the steadfast love of the Lord is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear him,
    and his righteousness to children's children,
¹⁸ to those who keep his covenant
    and remember to do his commandments.
¹⁹ The Lord has established his throne in the heavens,
    and his kingdom rules over all.

²⁰ Bless the Lord, O you his angels,
    you mighty ones who do his word,
    obeying the voice of his word!
²¹ Bless the Lord, all his hosts,
    his ministers, who do his will!
²²  Bless the Lord, all his works,
    in all places of his dominion.
   Bless the Lord, O my soul!

Preaching to Myself Tonight

Went to chemo #1 of 8 in this second round of poison with my Aunt Fran.    Thanking her so much to hang with me since she lives north of Atlanta and just wants to bless me by taking me each visit the way my Aunt Joan from Alaska did last time.   Need prayers to get white blood count up since they want to give me a shot on Wednesday to up my counts (ouch!).   Also need prayers not to dehydrate.   Tricky stuff with meds that make you sick and other meds that constipate.    It gets even more complicated when you have an ostomy.   Overall tonight, I'm just tired and having a hard time drinking without strange pain (side effect of one of the meds).   Thanks for all the prayers....I know I could be much worse.   Praising God in the storm!

13 years ago today God did a MIRACLE in my home. After 13 minutes of praying, fear, desperation, heart breaking agony, He breathed life back into Praise. She wasn't expected to walk or talk. She had a seizure at birth but was off seizure medication in 6 months. She went to her first OT appt and they released her because she was ahead of the game. She went in for a scan on her head for her hydrocephalus to get information on how they were going to place the shunt, and she was HEALED! Thanking the Lord today for the gift of Praise! We love you.

I know God can heal...He healed Praise, healed Nicholas who was blind in an eye from being shot with a bb gun, had angels catch Michael when he fell into an orchestra pit as a baby, my mother's recovery from her major stroke, my dad's recovery from major heart surgery, and so much more.   I also know sometimes He chooses not to heal as in the five blessings we were given that didn't make it to birth.   I choose to praise Him for the answered and unanswered prayers.  Until He says no I am praying He chooses to give me a longer life to raise my children and pour into a bunch of grandbabies.   I am believing He is my Healer.  

I asked the Lord....a hymn from John Newton

Click here if you want to hear the music while you read the words. 

I asked the Lord that I might grow
In faith and every grace,
Might more of his salvation know,
And seek more earnestly his face.

`Twas he who taught me thus to pray
And he I know has answered prayer,
But he has answered in a way
That almost drove me to despair.

I'd hoped that in some favored hour
My lord would answer my request,
And by his love's constraining pow'r
Control my sins and give me rest.

Instead of this he made me feel
The hidden evil of my heart,
He let the angry powers of hell
Assault my soul in every part!

Then with his own strong hand he seemed
Intent to multiply my woes,
Blocked all the grand designs I schemed,
Crushed all my dreams, and laid me low,

"Lord, why is this?" I trembling cried.
"Will you pursue this worm to death?"
"This is the way." The Lord replied,
"I answer prayers for grace and faith.

"These inward trials I employ,
From self and pride to set you free.
I break your plans of earthly joy,
That you may find your all... in me."

Called Out & Called Names

   My boys and I were discussing Matthew 4 last night where Jesus walked by and saw Peter and his brother Andrew fishing.  He called them to follow Him and he would make them fishers of men.  James and John were even repairing their nets with their father Zebedee when Jesus called them out.  I asked them if they could imagine working with their own father helping to build cabinets.   A stranger strolls by and calls them out and tells them to follow him, and he would make them builders of men.   Imagine dropping it all, leaving your Dad and following him.   They had opinions of how their father would handle that!   Zebedee must have seen or sensed that this was a call from God on their life or I cannot imagine he would not have tried to stop them.   I can imagine Zebedee coming home, his wife finishing up dinner and asking where her sons are.   He may have answered, "Oh a stranger named Jesus came by and asked them to go with him.   And they went!"    It made us just chew on the thought of what it must have been like to have been drawn like that.

  Then we discussed how cool it would have been to be called the "Sons of Thunder."  (I wish you could hear the way I would say it....slow, almost a whisper, full of power and mystery.)  It doesn't really tell us why Jesus called them Sons of Thunder, but having five boys I have lots of ideas.   I wonder if they were tough guys.   My boys (and girls) from the time they were little if they fell, got hit, or hurt at the church that we belonged to for 16 years you would hear an adult say something like "Oh my!" with a bit of a gasp.   Then another parent who focused in well on the situation would usually say something like "oh, it's okay, it's a Tordoff."   It's not that we didn't allow them to cry if they were hurt, but I guess because we didn't allow a lot of "drama" that maybe they decided they were too busy playing to cry most of the time.   I really don't know?     I also wonder if James and John weren't what we would call strong willed or stubborn.   Remember at one time they wanted to call down lightning from heaven and destroy some people that were causing problems.   What we would call a problem child, He may have seen the strength they had when directed and focused rightly.  I want my guys to be strong-willed against evil and stubborn for the Truth.    

     I went to bed chewing on these thoughts.    We were all called out when we were saved, weren't we?  Our jobs and environment may not have changed, but we changed and are continually being changed.    We have challenges and struggles in this life.  The Lord uses these challenges to sanctify us.   We may want to fight back like the Sons of Thunder, but the Lord wants us to be like Him full of grace and mercy.    There will be times when like the Sons of Thunder we must confront with hard truths from Scripture, but it must be done in love for the purpose of change.  I also hope that when we are called out to do "hard things" that we don't hesitate to obey.   I would have wanted to get the okay from my Dad when I had been called out from the boat.   Then I'd go home to say goodbye and hug my mom.   I'd get all my affairs in order, pack my bags, etc.   But what Jesus wanted them to do was simply obey.   Phew, I hope I would have and pray I will.  

  We may not have a cool name like "the Son of Thunder" but the Lord lovingly calls us "children of God".     What a wonderful name!

See what kind of love 

the Father has given to us, 

that we should be called 

children of God; 

and SO WE ARE.  I John 3: 1 

Waiting on the Lord

"Light shines in the darkness 

for the godly.

 They are generous, 

compassionate, and righteous..

..They do not fear 

bad news; they confidently trust 

the LORD to care for them." 

—Psalm 112:4,7

 

I Am God's Favorite

I  enjoy telling my children that I am God's favorite . When an unexpected blessing comes our way, I smile and tell them "See, I told you.  I'm God's favorite."   When a beautiful bird lights upon our kitchen window bird feeder and sings, when an amazing sky blue pink sunset fills the sky, or when a meteor zips across the sky on a star filled night, I smile at them and tell them "yep, that's for me."   When true miracles have come our way, I truly felt the Lord's smile upon us.

How do my children feel now that I have cancer.  I have done the chemotherapy and radiation.  I have had surgery.  I still have stinking, active live cells.  Will they think the Lord gave up on me or turned His back towards me?   Do they wonder if the Lord is punishing me?  Will they think if this is how God treats His favorites, what hope do they have?   I am not sure how the eight of them will wrestle out their questions?   I pray their faith will be strengthened through this trial.   How could I possibly feel like a favored chosen one and not a victim to this hideous, sneaky disease?  It's hard to articulate in words but I still believe that despite my circumstances I am a highly favored daughter of the King.   Romans 8:38-39 says: 

   For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, 

nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,  

Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, 

shall be able to separate us from the love of God, 

which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

With certainty, I believe this is true.  The Lord has surrounded me with His love while my body has struggled in pain.  He has sent encouraging notes, texts, and messages through His body (the church) when my mind, body, and spirit was too tired to remember.   He has sent over 100 meals since I was diagnosed the week of Christmas.   He has sent monies to help with our bills and doing so made provision for what we needed.   Though my physical future is uncertain, my spiritual future is secure in Jesus Christ, the only begotten Son of the Father who has gone to prepare a heavenly home for me.   When fear has threatened to assail me, I've only to turn my heart to a faithful, heavenly Father who gives me peace in the storm and the faith to trust His heart when I can't understand his ways.  I choose to sing with the hymnast Horatio Spafford.

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul. 

Refrain: It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul

Refrain

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

I choose to say with Paul in Philippians 3:7-10 that "But what things were gain to me, these I have counted loss for Christ. Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in Him, not having my own righteousness, which is from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which is from God by faith; that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death."  I have gained more intimacy with Him, because my life has been forced to slow and sometimes stand still.   I desire the power of His resurrection in order to operate in the anointing by sharing His life and joy to all I meet.   I honestly NEVER desired to share in His sufferings, I am weak.   But, In Christ, I have found just as He beared the attacks and sufferings Himself, He enables me to stand strong when my eyes stay upon Him and not upon my circumstances, my pain, or even me, me, me in general.   So today we are catching up on some school, going on a picnic at the park, and cleaning the house.   And every blessing and reminder in nature that comes our way I will look at my children and grandchildren with a smile and say "yep, I am God's favorite and they are too."  

  

Chemo Postponed

Planned on spending four hours in chemo today.    Went to appointment and the Dr. basically reviewed the same information as last time about what was going to happen this time.   He warned me of the side effects I should watch for while on these lovely poisons.    My Aunt & I acted surprised because I was supposed to begin the treatments today, but I couldn't bring myself to insist on starting even if it cost me the $50 copay.    Then we went to my surgeon to see if he could help me out with some skin issues I am having due to the ostomy.    When our appointment was completed, he asked when I was scheduled next and I told him next Thursday.   He said I could hold off for another month and I nearly began dancing in his office because the next appointment included him taking a peek in the "EXIT ONLY" area.  In fact, when I made the appointment I told the office secretary that I couldn't believe I was asking for another appointment where I would feel violated and that I was even more bothered that I knew she'd ask me to pay for it when it was over.   We laughed.  

My aunt then took me shopping for some needs the children have in the shoe and clothing department.  Then she spoiled me and got me some comfortable pajamas for when the fun begins in a few weeks.    We had a great afternoon together and the children were so thankful for the items they received.   I've been amazed at how the Lord has met our needs even without us asking.   We had someone show up at our door today with laundry detergent and a dryer ball.  When I think about the many needs we have, I can get overwhelmed.   However, when I focus on what the Lord says in Matthew 6:34:  “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble" I can take a deep breath and truly just rest in Him for today.   Such a great reminder no matter what we are facing in life.  I'm closing today with thankfulness to the Lord for His goodness, His provision, and His healing touch in my life.    Thanking Him for using me to touch others for Him.   May His light shine.

First Ever Raffle

I have three "True Grit" books by Deborah Meroff that I'd love to give away.   I have fun trying to win raffles so I thought I'd have one of my own.   This is a great book of true stories about women taking on the world, for God's sake.  

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Who Signs Up For This?

   Pondering the past year, I realized I'm now a part of those people who have or have had cancer.   Nobody would volunteer to be in this group.  I never even imagined it a year ago.   And I surely didn't sign up for the joys of  those having an ostomy.   

   Then again I didn't want to be in the class of women who know the heartbreak of miscarriages either.   Five babies gone too early and one little girl at nearly 20 weeks gestation.   I'm absolutely positive my pastor's family nor my sister-in-law ever dreamed they'd be in the group of folks who have experienced the loss of a child.    Whatever hurt or hardships you've experienced, I'm sure you wouldn't have signed up for it.   You feel compassion, concern, and grieve with those who experience various trials in this life, but you sure don't want to join them so you can empathize with them.  

  But troubles come....

In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; 

I have overcome the world.  John 16:33

And we cannot walk around in fear with the "what if's" of life believing we have some kind of control to prepare us.   Fear robs your life of joy and peace.

For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; 

but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, 

whereby we cry, Abba, Father.   Romans 8:15

I sought the LORD, and he answered me; he delivered me from 

ALL my fears.   Psalm 34:4

  
     There is great opportunity in the trials of this life.   Will we choose to grow bitter, stuck forever in the asking of "why", or will we choose to cling to Christ and trust Him?   Many people say they can't wait to get to heaven to get all their questions answered.   I'm not sure just because we get to heaven the Lord of Lords is required to give us any answers.  My heart even trembles now thinking that I would consider that He owes me, a pitiful sinner saved alone by His great grace and mercy, any explanations!  I also think that we are going to be so overwhelmed by His great mercy, love, and splendor that we are not going to care one iota about our trials.   Are we going to choose to get bitter or better?   Not necessarily will our situation improve, but will we allow the Holy Spirit to make us better by allowing Him to heal our brokenness?   Will we allow Him, our Healer, to work through cracked pots such as ourselves in order that His light may shine forth?  Does this mean that everything turns out well?   Absolutely not.   I still pray I have a long life ahead of me.  I choose to continue to hope, plan, dream, and live accordingly.   I want to live!   But if I don't, I want to choose to live my last days as happy and joyous as possible.   Why would my children want to cling to Christ if they see me moping about, worrying, stressing everyday about tomorrow?   I want them to see Hope through me.    

To whom God would make known what is the riches of the glory 
of this mystery among the Gentiles;

which is Christ in you, the hope of glory.   I Col 1:27

  I am not saying there may not be times of sadness or sorrow.    What I am saying is we don't dwell there forever.   What "group" have you become a part of in this fallen world that you never would have signed up for?   Divorced?   Widowed?   Child with special needs or illness?  Natural catastrophe?   Infertility?  Financial loss or ruin?   Infidelity?   Wayward children?    You know what situation or situations it may be for you.   When you first experience this trouble, you don't even care that this gives you opportunities now to help others.   But later, you hopefully do.   You are now on a mission field not of your own choosing.   How will you represent Christ to the world that is watching?    I promise you that the world is watching.   For me, I choose to tell of Christ's great love and mercy towards my family and I while walking this difficulty.   I choose to allow His love be on display wherever I go.   Today while buying ostomy supplies for the first time I had an opportunity to moan about what an awful lot in life I've now been given.   However, I decided to tell the sales person about how great a God I serve despite the road He has me traveling.   Will it always be easy?   Nope...next week I start back on a more difficult chemo treatment than before while continuing to balance the life of a large family, home schooling, trying to get my skin healed up around my ostomy that continues to break down, hoping to make this a great summer for my family despite me, and totally trusting the Lord for our finances since I'm no longer a source of income for our family.    It will always be a daily choice.   Will I choose to cling to Christ and His peace in this trial or will I choose to live in fear and despair?   I choose Christ.   I don't do this because I am more spiritual or holier than anyone else.   I do this because I have no choice.  I agree with Peter in John 6:68, where else would I turn?  Jesus Christ alone has the words of eternal life.   Whatever assignment you've been given, I pray you choose to seek Christ and find that He is more than enough to meet your every need.   Then I pray you will look for opportunities to share the Truth that you have found with a lost and dying world that is right outside your front door.  

 I call heaven and earth to record this day against you, 

that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing: 

therefore choose life, that both thou and thy seed may live:  

That thou mayest love the Lord thy God, 

and that thou mayest obey his voice, 

and that thou mayest cleave unto him: 

for he is thy life, and the length of thy days.   

Deuteronomy 30:19-20a

Latest News from the Doctor

4 LITTLE MONKEYS HANGING FROM A TREE

Met with the surgeon this week and I will see him in two weeks to see how I am healing.    I told the receptionist I couldn't believe I was making an appointment to be violated and that she would probably even have the nerve to charge me for it.   Unbelievable!!   She said, "oh it's probably not ... well, I don't know, maybe it is that bad."   I assured her it was.

Today was the oncologist.   Looks like a busy, not too exciting, summer ahead.  My chemo begins again on  May 21st.   It's very different from last time.   I will spend 4 hours in the chair.    At first I will receive calcium, magnesium, and nausea medication.  The next chemo medicine is Oxaliplation.    This medicine can cause nerve problems and I may be very sensitive to cold, including drinks, a/c too high, etc.    Have a feeling it won't be hard to keep warm this summer in GA!   I'll also receive Leucovorin.    This helps decrease the toxic effects of the chemo drugs on my bone marrow.  Finally, I'll also receive the Fluorouracil that I got last time while in the chair and also take the bag home for 2 days.   I'll need to stay out of sunlight and will again have nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, tiredness, fatigue and chance of hair loss.  

My schedule will look something like this:   Spend Monday at chemo, go back Wednesday to get bag removed.   Come back in two Monday's to repeat for a total of 8 treatments.   So, I'll be dealing with 16 weeks of "stuff".  Then once I recover from chemo and radiation, I should have my ostomy reversed in October.    I'll also have some scheduled scans to check on the cancer. When this is over, I'll have scans every 6 months for three years.    If everything shows up good in those three years, my chances are excellent of not getting this cancer again.  I'll get yearly checks for two years after that and then considered cancer free again :D.

My blood tests today showed my white blood count is still low, my hematocrit level is low, lymphocytes are low (which put me at a greater risk for infection).   My pulse and RDW levels are high.    To help my body, I'm going back on my prenatal vitamins with iron tomorrow.   I'm also going to take extra B12 (which may be what I need to get my RDW in the right range).   I am going to work back up to at least 30 minutes a day of walking and back to decaf tea to see if I can get my pulse back into the normal range.   Looks like I'll be on a bit of "restriction" until I get my levels up high enough to be around people without getting sick.  

We are so thankful for all the support we have found through family, family of Jesus, and friends.   The way the Lord has met so many needs has been nothing short of amazing.   Despite our income being reduced two months before this discovery, we have paid our monthly bills including lots of doctor appointment copays, wisdom teeth removed on our oldest son, glasses for a younger son, repairs and replacements for needed appliances, and so much more.   Prayer requests:

• not be ill
• miraculous healing or more grace to get through it again
• surgery to have been effective and my body to heal right from the surgery
• my skin to do better with ostomy....has a hard time with the sticky stuff that keeps things on and with recovering from home health nurse damage from cutting my cover too large and exposing too much skin to "poop"
• One of the side effects of the chemo medicine is to develop Leukemia later...pray against that.
• Grace and strength for  my husband and children.    
• To feel well the day of the Golf tournament they are putting on for our family (6/9)
• Rusty enough side work to replace air conditioner this summer so we can keep our power bill down.  We are using room units now because it died last summer.  
• We've had to replace dryer, refrigerator, lawn mower, weed eater, element in year old stove, tires, car parts, and more since I've been diagnosed.   The enemy sure has been at work to discourage us so pray we won't have anything else unexpected to break down.
• Children to finish school well this summer and to sell enough books to buy the few needed things we need for next school year.  
• Cindy to finish nursing school well despite her sick mama....she will graduate in December, woo hoo!
• John Russell to get more hours or a better job while he studies for his Personal Training exam.
• Nicholas & Timothy to get enough side work (yard jobs, building swords, bird houses, whatever needed) this summer to play football next season.
• Praise & Michael would like to earn money for soccer next year.   They are great organizes, house cleaners, and babysitters.
• To glorify the Lord Jesus through it all.   

The Trouble duo found frosting.....and we found them :D

Wandering Thoughts on Health & Control

Although I don't feel I made health an idol, I did somehow believe my chances of getting cancer were pretty low due to my healthy choices (salads or vegetable soups daily, whole grain home made breads from grains I ground myself, as much organic food choices as we could afford, juicing, nursing babies for over 14 years, etc.)   To say I was shocked to find out I had colon cancer, would be an understatement.   It also has me pondering how  much control do I really have over my health?   My conclusion:   not as much as I'd like.   Don't get me wrong that doesn't mean I'm now going to junk out, start smoking, and become a couch potato.   But, it does mean I'm even more thankful for every day the Lord gives me....that HE  CHOOSES to give me.

“O LORD, make me know my end and what is the measure of my days; 

let me know how fleeting I am!  Psalm 39:4

I still believe I'll strive to make the best choices as possible because my body is not my own.   I'll still make as much food from scratch as possible because it saves money and doesn't have ingredients I don't know how to even pronounce in the meal.  I'll buy local and organic when I can but will not feel like a failure mom when I cannot.   

What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own?  For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's.   I Cor 6:19-20

I'm still praying for a long life here to see my children grow and to invest in the generations.   However, I won't ever believe "I beat" cancer or that "I was stronger."   This disease has shown me how helpless I am.  Ultimately, it's in God's hands.    BUT I do believe we serve a God that still chooses to heal and until He tells me no, I'm praying for complete healing and health in Jesus name.   

It has also caused me to reflect more on how I spend my time.   I hope that my children remember me in His Word, preaching the good news, praising His name more than worrying about food.    You could go crazy trying to figure out the healthiest way too eat:   vegetarian, organic grass fed meat only, butter, no butter, olive oil, no oils, raw milk, no milk, and on and on and on and on.   

“Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.  Matthew 6:31-34

It's a matter of the heart.   As a mom, I do plan meals and try to purchase wisely with the resources God gives us.   It's a part of my job description that I truly enjoy.   The past four months we have been given lots of meals.   Do you think I was going to see if they measured up to certain standards?  No way.   We have been so thankful for the way the Lord has provided for us while I have been under the weather.  

And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.   Colossians 3:15-17

  Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.  James 1:17

What's next on this cancer journey?     Went to surgeon visit today and he seemed a little concerned that I have pain where the cancer was but he thinks it's probably due to all his dissection a few weeks ago in my body.   Friday I see the oncologist and find out when chemo begins again and for how long.   Nobody mentioned another round of radiation so hoping that is nowhere in my future.   Pain is lessening each day but will be glad when it's gone.   Went off the big pain meds yesterday and going to try to control with motrin.   Hopefully, that will be short lived as well.   Thanks again for all the prayers and show of love to our family during this trial.  

My New Ring Tone

I've had my older kiddos roll their eyes and my younger guys laugh the past week and a half when they heard their Daddy call my phone.   My phone says who is calling when you call me.   Before I changed it, when my husband called you would hear  a mechanical sounding woman's voice say "call from baby's daddy, call from baby's daddy".   Well, we had received plenty of giggles over that.  Not exactly what you expect from a 45 year old white girl with 8 kiddos all from the same daddy.   He has earned a new name on my phone.   If you call me now, you'd hear "call from my hero prince charming, call from my hero prince charming."   He has always taken great care of me, but having to take care of me after this last surgery along with helping me adapt to an ostomy bag.   (Translation....he really had to deal with my crap!)   He slept on the couch for the past week and a half that I've been home to take care of me because I couldn't sleep in the bed.  In fact, I've slept in the chair that he bought me the day I got home because I hurt too bad to lay flat.   Last night was my first night in the bed.   Still not easy but getting better.   I'm so thankful to the Lord for this wonderful husband.   We've been together since 1982.   We've seen really good times, and really hard times.   We've been blessed to birth eight beautiful babies.   We've cried together over five babies who didn't make it.   He's taken care of me when I've been too sick to function while pregnant or from chemo and radiation.   He truly is a blessing to me and our children.   Thanking the Lord tonight for my hero, prince charming, Rusty.

"Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, 

and gave Himself for it;" 

Ephesians 5:25

  

Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.

I Peter 3:7

Stinkystomaphobia

That is the name I've given to my condition that I will require home health care for until my ostomy is reversed in October.   I was advised that as soon as I can drive they will no longer need to come.   I told them I won't drive until October.   I was serious.   I didn't see that I'd ever get use to this new attachment to my body.  However, I have found that I'm able to deal with my bag without gagging these days.   Vick's vapor rub for my nose was a wonderful idea from a friend.   I haven't even needed it in the last few days.   I also am less disgusted each day and have settled in more to this is how life is.   Thanks to answered prayer I am now able to sleep through the night and tonight I'm going to try not to sleep in the chair but in the bed for the first night since surgery.  

What has the Lord been teaching me these days?   

• That in all things He is good.   IN ALL THINGS!   
• That he has blessed me with the best of husbands that has served me over and abundantly well in these hard times.   
• That the Lord will never leave me nor forsake me....even when I was too tired to read His Word, too tired to Praise His name, too weak to thank Him.