Do You Believe in Miracles?

It's interesting to hear views on miracles.   Some Christians believe that miracles are a rare occurrence and they mostly only occurred in the New Testament era.   Others believe they are always available to us but we lack faith and it's always our fault if things don't happen that we pray for.  Personally, I believe miracles still happen, but that it's dangerous to believe we can control God.   Years ago, I listened to some teachings that took the scriptures of having faith (like Matthew 17:20 and others) and believed 100% that if I prayed for a miracle in faith that, of course, it would happen.    Deceived, I earnestly prayed as if God was obligated to listen to me because I followed this formula.   When I began miscarrying a baby that we had prayed years for, I prayed and believed I was going to be 100% healed and this baby that we longed for was going to be born.   When I lost this precious baby, my faith was rocky.   I was worried I was one of those believers in Matthew 7:21-23 that just thought I was saved.   I knew that I at least has mustard seed size faith and was shaken to the core.   What those teachings miss are two big things -- God's sovereignty and mystery.   I went back to the Word and dug into the Word to assure myself I wasn't lost, that I was definitely one of His children.   I preached to myself the Word and assured my spirit of who I was and whom I belonged to.  I still believe that when we pray with faith that God can heal, but now I believe that because He's sovereign He chooses when to say yes and when to say no to our prayers.   I also believe that I can't normally figure out the why's and when's because there is also mystery involved.    Isaiah 55:8-9  For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD.  For as the heavens are higher than the earth,  so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.  How do I suppose my little brain is going to understand the mind of a God big enough to create the world out of nothing?  Where do we get our arrogance from?  I am still believing God can 100% heal me of this cancer.   I'm praying when they scan me to see how well the radiation and the chemo did before surgery that the mass will be entirely gone and surgery won't be necessary.   But if He says no, will I will choose to praise Him anyway?  Yes!!  

Philipians 4:11-13  Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me.

 A Few Miracles that our Family Has Experienced

1)   Salvation!
2)   All 8 of our children's births....always a miracle!  (5 others didn't make it to birth.)
3)   Praise was born and died for 13 minutes.   She was not supposed to walk or talk.   She was supposed to be learning challenged.  She's perfectly healthy nearly 13 years later.
4)   Praise had her sonogram before her surgery to place a shunt in her brain for her hydrocephalus.   When they did the scan, there was no longer a problem and surgery was canceled.
5)   Praise was off her seizure medication by 6 months.
6)   Nicholas was shot in the eye with a bb gun at 2 years old.   He had no sight in his eye at the first hospital he was checked at.   They sent us to MCG to see a specialist right away.  Driving from the hospital in Millen to Augusta we called for prayer.   When he was checked at MCG, his sight was 100%.   The only side effect is that his blue eye was green for one year. 
7)  When Michael was a baby, he fell into an orchestra pit.   We believe an angel caught him because although he fell at least 8 feet he didn't even have a bruise on his body.
8)  John Russell also didn't have a healthy birth beginning.   He was lifeless and purple.  18 years later we are still thanking the Lord.

These are just a few, very few, of the many things God has done in our family.  Do I believe in miracles?   Absolutely.  

Luke 1:37   For with God, nothing shall be impossible.

Thankful to be Suffering?

Sat with a dear friend who visited today, we discussed cancer, struggles, life, and the Lord.    There's nothing like getting with a sister in Christ and encouraging one another in the goodness of our Lord.   Even if you are in pain, your spirit-man sours, your joy overflows and you become so thankful that the Lord shows you in so many ways that He knows where you are and reminds you that He will never leave you nor forsake you.

My friend had an incredibly difficult 2011.   I saved a paragraph from the book I finished to share with her when she came.   It was such an encouragement to me and felt like it would be great for her to hear as well.   What I shared follows from the book "When God Weeps", by Tada and Estes:

       God uses suffering to purge sins from our lives, strengthen our commitment to Him, force us to depend on grace, bind us together with other believers, produce discernment, foster sensitivity, discipline our minds, spend our time wisely, stretch our hope, cause us to know Christ better, make us long for truth, lead us to repentance of sin, teach us to give thanks in times of sorrow, increase faith, and strengthen character.   It's a beautiful image.  

  And it's so true.   I've always reflected on life but seldom have I had a chance to STOP for any period of time to really assess what's important and what's not.  This cancer has made me pause and ponder.  It's also made me thankful for this "pause".     I've never felt the love of the Lord through His body EVER before at the level I have now.     Let me clarify that I've never been a neglected child of the Lord, but this is definitely a new level of love that I've been shown since December.

When we've been blessed with a new baby, we'd have a short pause in the routine to rest, recuperate, and enjoy life but having to stop due to pain and illness is definitely a place I've never been before.   I'm unsure if I'll ever go back to the speed of life I was at before.   I've always felt like my priorities were to the Lord, my husband, children, and home, but I did a lot things (really good things) that interfered with taking care of these things with excellence.    Not for a second am I seeking perfection but just keeping my priorities straight and  I may need to say no to more things, even really good things.   What that is going to look like, I'm unsure but it's going to be good for my family.

I Thessalonians 5:18  In everything give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.   Thank you Lord for teaching me so much in this short season.  

Growing Weary

I'm laying on the couch with the door open while the spring like breeze blows in through the screen door listening to three boys play basketball, while two girls and Christopher paint pictures, and my eldest son paints the dining room.  It's spring in February this year in Georgia.   My power bill loves it but I sure hope we get enough cold that the bugs don't overrun us in the "real" spring and summer.  I'm half way through my treatments and had a definitely weary in well doing type of day a few days ago.  At the end of the day laying in bed with the hubby, I shared with him that I was just tired of not feeling good.   It gets really old.   Not knowing the hormones were kicking in (if you catch my drift) with the regular just not feeling myself I must admit I was pretty pitiful.   Of course when I got a wonderful cyclical surprise in the morning, I thanked him for being sweet and tender but I was going to be alright.   These few months of not feeling well have definitely given me a new empathy for folks with chronic pains and illnesses.   If I'm struggling, I still preach to myself truths from the Scriptures.   When I'm too weary, I have a fabulous husband, family, and friends who continually remind me what a short journey I am on, how far I've already gone, and that the Lord is with me.   But what if I was looking at a lifetime of pain, illness, and lethargy.   Although I can only imagine how hard that would be, I have had a small taste of that world.   The things I would have to purpose to do to fight growing weary in well doing:

1)  Find joy where I am.   (Today it is the spring like weather, a birthday for my baby turning three, giggles over cake, the fresh breeze blowing in, a morning with my Mom who chauffeured me to appointments, a husband who is employed in this tough economy, a grown daughter who calls and checks in on her mama despite her busy life, and children at home who don't even complain about picking up my slack)

2)  Share how I'm feeling so those who love me could encourage me when I'm struggling.   (I'm not good at this one.   I usually don't share struggles until I'm on the other side of them.)

3)  Seek the Lord.   (He is faithful!)

    Deuteronomy 4:29   But if from there you seek the LORD your God, you 

      will find him if you  look for him with all your heart and with all your soul.
      Psalm 9:10  Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, LORD, have 

      never forsaken those who seek you.

  

Also, it's taught me things on how to be a friend to others going through illness.  I want to definitely purpose to be an encouragement and available to others the way I've been blessed these past few months.  

Specific prayer needs:

My white blood count is still low and needs to go up.   My iron is still low.   I went nearly two weeks without any pain medication and was really excited but this week I've begun having quite a bit of pain.   I'm sensitive to everything they've used thus far to cover  my port each week and scratch in my sleep to the point of bleeding.  

Please continue to pray for Sam Simms who is battling non-Hodgkins lymphoma.   I was at his birth 17 years ago!   Pray also for his parents.   It's much easier to go through this yourself than watch a child suffer.      Thanking the Lord for his life, praying for his complete healing and hoping for a now kind of miracle.

Pray also for Drew Ansley.   Another long time friend has a 24 year old son who was in a bad fall and has been in a coma for over a month now.    However, God has been working in his body along the way performing miracles.   They need his kidneys to "wake up" next.  

Thanks so much prayer warriors! 

Prayer for Our Children

Father, hear us, we are praying,
Hear the words our hearts are saying,
We are praying for our children.

Keep them from the powers of evil,
From the secret, hidden peril.
Father, hear us for our children.

From the whirlpool that would suck them,
From the treacherous quicksand, pluck them,
Father, hear us for our children.

From the worldling's hollow gladness,
From the sting of faithless sadness,
Father, Father, keep our children.

Through life's troubled waters steer them,
Through life's bitter battle, cheer them,
Father, Father, be thou near them.

Read the language of our longing.
Read the wordless pleading thronging,
Holy Father, for our children.

And wherever they may bide,
Lead them home eventide.

~Amy Carmichael

Day of Radiation

I couldn't tell you if all folks who go for radiation treatment's appointments look like mine but I thought I'd share what mine looks like.    I'm sure they vary depending on the cancer, the person, and the doctor.  I've learned that everyone's chemo treatments are different as well from the types of medicines they are given, the way it is administered, how often it's ministered, how long they are treated, and I'm sure there are even more variables than I am aware of because this is all so new to me.

I arrive at the radiation center every day Monday through Friday for my 7:45 appointment.  The waiting room is extremely clean and neat but doesn't have that "hospital smell."   The staff are friendly and greet me and everyone else that comes in like a friend when you sign in at the check-in on their very modern computerized check in screen.  You have a seat but never for long.  There are only a few other folks usually this early and they vary in their appearance.   You have the folks that are friendly, most are quiet and reserved, and a few appear very sad.   Some mornings very young children are wheeled in for their appointments.   You hear your name called over the loud speaker to come to the treatment area.   When you come to your first appointment, they assign you a specific room and that's the room you go to each time.  When I hear my name, I head to treatment room 4, the purple room, where I am greeted by 2 more friendly staff members.   Then I climb on the table and sit up on my knees,  pull my pants below my "cheeks", and lay forward on this specialized table that has a small hole for your belly to go into.   Then you must lay like dead weight while they shift you around until the small freckle sized tattoos they gave you the first day line up exactly.  The table moves up close to an amazing machine.   It has two arms on the sides that are square and a large round contraption on top.   When they all begin moving, it sounds at first like a space ship is landing and then goes into more of a low whirring noise.  You cannot help but be amazed at the technology as you watch it's precise movements and the massiveness of the machine.  When they've taken a few x-rays to be sure you are lined up on both sides, the machine zaps you on one side for a few seconds, the other side for a few seconds and then your back side for a few seconds.  During the process, you'll hear the technicians change some kind of plates between the zaps.  Then the table pulls out.   I immediately pull my pants up while I await for the table to still and lower.   They grab my chemo bag off my back and hand it to me after I get off the table.   We say our good byes and I head out the door.  The whole process takes around 15 minutes.  I've tried to get my husband to put good morning on my cheeks for when I have to moon the workers each morning and he just won't cooperate. I figured if they had to look at behinds all day that mine could at least be funny.   They died laughing when I told them how I wanted to surprise them.   I would've been the first.   I'm still working on the husband.  So all week I've showed my behind but I promise to try to behave this weekend.

Prayer requests:  my white blood cell counts are low, please pray they go up.

Praise reports:   I haven't had to prepare a meal since my first week of treatments.   My family has been totally spoiled.   We haven't had to stress about the multiple co-pays either due to the generous deposits to our emergency checking account.  I was able to share the Lord at my chemo appointment which I'll share in another post.  I also have only taken pain medicine to sleep one night this week and I haven't had to take the medicine for vomiting at all.   So except for the poison that is dripping in me 7 days a week and my insides getting daily fried, I'm doing pretty well.

Thanks to everyone for the amazing support and mostly for the prayers!

Path of What If's

A few days ago, my curly haired two year old boy came up to me very thoughtful.  He looked at the hose coming out of my port in my chest to my chemo bag and said, "Mom, me don't want you to die."   Trying not to be floored by his comment, I replied "Me either buddy.   Why don't we pray."   He sat in my lap and we prayed that the Lord would heal me.  He said amen, jumped off the couch and went on his merry way playing on the floor in front of the couch I was laying on.   I was floored because we never discussed with any of the children that I could die.   I couldn't even imagine how my two year old would have a concept of death.  When my children have asked specific questions, we gave honest specific answers.   When they asked could you die?   I said yes but it's 90% curable these days and our days are in His hands and I believe the Lord has many more days for me yet.   Otherwise, we're believing this is just a short, hard journey on the road we are on. 

The one thing I haven't done on this journey is go down the road of what if's.

*What if I die?
*What if my organs are damaged from the chemo or radiation?
*What if the bills get too high?
I've been down that "what if" trail before and all it does for me to produce fear and make me think I'm prepared with a default plan.   For example, my husband is late coming home from work
*What if he had an accident and died?   I then prepare mental steps of how I'll have to handle things.
*What if someone in the family loses a job?
*What if someone gets seriously ill?
*What if there is an affair?
*What if my children walk the wrong road in life?
*What if....what if....what if....You get the picture.   We can work up scenarios in our mind, get stressed about them, and they never happen.   I'm not saying don't be prepared in life.   Save money when you can.  Set goals.  Stock your pantry.  Have life insurance.  What I am saying, is I need to trust the Lord for my DAILY bread.   Matthew 6:34 says, "Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."   After my radiation appointment and a few errands this morning, today I concentrated on resting and getting well, spending time talking to my family, thanking the Lord for another day, and praying without ceasing.   When I think about the poison going in my body, pray the Lord will heal me quick and protect me from the dangers and let it go.   Going through this cancer has opened my eyes even more to the brevity of life and the folly of worry.  

I Peter 1:2-4 reminds us all flesh is like grass and all its glory like the flower of grass. The grass withers, and the flower falls.  

Job 14:2 He springs up like a flower and withers away; like a fleeting shadow, he does not endure.  

Psalm 39:6 Man is a mere phantom as he goes to and fro: He bustles about, but only in vain; he heaps up wealth, not knowing who will get it.  

Yet at the same time we must keep in mind:

Matthew 6:30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? and 

Matthew 6:27  And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?

Again, I preach to myself that worrying about the what if's does NOTHING!   It cannot change that I have cancer.   It cannot do anything but cause stress.   Stress is not healthy so that does not assist me in any way.   However, I can cast all my cares upon Him and live each day to the fullest attempting to live that life of no regrets (although there will always be some).   

Ecclesiastes 5:18-20

Behold that which I have seen: it is good and comely for one to eat and to drink, and to enjoy the good of all his labor that he taketh under the sun all the days of his life, which God giveth him: for it is his portion.  Every man also to whom God hath given riches and wealth, and hath given him power to eat thereof, and to take his portion, and to rejoice in his labor; this is the gift of God.  For he shall not much remember the days of his life; because God answereth him in the joy of his heart.

Oh, I'm Healthy Alright :)

One of the funniest comments I've received from a couple of different doctors at different times was when I've been told "You are really healthy, you know, except for the cancer."   Today was the beginning of week two of chemo and I was told that my iron is still too low but higher than last week.    My blood pressure was back to normal 110/60 instead of the higher for me 124/87.   It was the weight I couldn't believe.   Despite the sickness and lack of eating, I gained FOUR WHOPPING POUNDS!  Thanks for the prayers to be healthy guys but trust me my weight doesn't need to get any "healthier", . 

I'm still reading "When God Weeps" when I'm sitting at the oncologist's office.  It is a fantastic book on suffering that I didn't think I needed to read but am so glad that I decided to.  The following is a great paragraph from the chapter on "Heaven's Dirty Laundry."

"Eden's lost innocence opened sluice gates of sorrow beyond telling.  It will take heaven to dry it all up---to provide the total picture that will ease our hearts for ever.   

Why do we doubt?  At bottom, we're uncomfortable with these truths, because we're sinful.  By nature we all wish God were a few notches lower---a diety lofty enough to help in our trials but not so....uncomfortable."

Ouch!  This chapter told us how faith is hard and even in the Psalms it tells us how God hides.   Proverbs 25:2 says "It is the glory of God to conceal a matter."  "He plays his hand close to the vest; he never shows all his cards."   This is so true.   We want a BIG GOD but sometimes our finite minds want to totally understand an infinite, all-powerful God.    We think we know what's best and cannot believe He would allow anything different.   We make a God of our own imagination and don't get to know the God of the Bible.

This chapter ended with a quote from one of my favorite books "The Lion, the Witch, and The Wardrobe" by C.S. Lewis.   If you don't know the story, the lion represents Jesus.

"Is---is he a man?" asked Lucy
"Aslan a man!   said Mr. Beaver sternly.   "Certainly not.   I tell you he is king of the wood and the son of the great Emporer -Beyond-the-Sea.   Don't you know who is the King of the Beasts?   Aslan is the lion---the Lion, the great Lion."
"Ohh!" said Susan.   "I thought he was a man.  Is he---quite safe?  I shall feel rather nervous about meeting a lion."
"That you will, dearie, and no mistake," said Mrs. Beaver, "if there's anyone who can appear before Aslan without their knees knocking, they're either braver than most or else just silly."
"Then he isn't safe?" said Lucy.  
"Safe?" said Mr Beaver.  "Don't you hear what Mrs. Beaver tells you?  Who said anything about safe?  'Course he isn't safe.  But He's good.  He's the King I tell you."

Don't you just love this picture of Christ!   Of course He's not predictable, safe, or tame.   We won't always understand His ways and know why things happen.  But we can trust and know that He's good.  Our God is good!

Okay I'm Done Being Sick!!

Well, I told my husband yesterday that I was done.   I've been sick long enough.   Laying around, having everybody else do so much for me, staying home 24/7 except for the daily doctor visits have had their time but that time is over.   Doing for others is something I enjoy.   Having folks do for me is nice but much harder.   I awoke today ready to be healed and better and found I felt the same.   Therefore, I decided I needed to see the positive in all this down time.

1)   Having time to read.
2)   Making things habits again that we got out of:  family Bible reading, memorization work, and bed times (well, almost on the last one)
3)   Time to sort through things to decide if they are keep, store for the next season, or good will.
4)   Kiddos are helping Dad do much needed home repairs because he is home more.

I believe I'm going to look back at this season and see all the blessings the Lord provided me with.  Although it's not easy feeling awful, I'll never forget all the love He has poured out on me and my family through family, friends and so many in the body of Christ that I haven't even met before.   Big God!   Little cancer.  

Day of Rest

Sing

O give thanks unto the LORD; call upon his name: make known his deeds among the people.

Sing unto him, sing psalms unto him: talk ye of all his wondrous works.
Glory ye in his holy name: let the heart of them rejoice that seek the LORD.
Seek the LORD, and his strength: seek his face evermore.
Remember his marvellous works that he hath done; his wonders, and the judgments of his mouth; 
(Psalm 105:1-5)

Remember

I will remember the works of the LORD: surely I will remember thy wonders of old.  (Psalm 77:11)

Rest

O Christian men and women, you, also, miss much of your rest! You have too much of fretfulness, too much of care, too much that is servile. The land does not keep her Sabbaths as she should, neither does your soul rest as it might! And as for jubilees, how very scarce they are! If Christians lived near to God and enjoyed the peace which Jesus gives, they might keep Jubilee every year and Sabbath every day! The Lord grant that we may have power to enjoy His rest and that it may never be said of us, “They could not enter in because of unbelief.”  Brothers and Sisters, the Lord, as if to show us that He would have us rest, has been pleased to speak of resting, Himself! It is inconceivable that He should be fatigued! It were profanity to suppose that He who faints not, neither is weary, and of whose understanding there is no searching, can ever be in a condition to need rest! And yet He did rest, for when He had finished all the works of His hands in the six days of creation, the Lord, “rested on the seventh day and sanctified it.” When afterwards that rest was broken because His works were marred, we find Him further on smelling a
“sweet savor of rest” in the sacrifice which was offered unto Him by Noah, whose very name was rest.
These two facts are highly instructive and teach us that God rests in a perfect work and that when that work is marred the Lord rests in a perfect Sacrifice, even in the Lord Jesus Christ! He has a rest there and He speaks of our “entering His rest” as it is written, “they shall not enter into My rest.” There is a rest of God, then, and there remains a rest unto the people of God. And of that rest, not in its highest development in Heaven, but in its present enjoyment on earth, we are about to speak. “Rest in the Lord.” (Charles Spurgeon)

Preach to Yourself Some More

Spent most of last evening sick as a dog.    Got out of bed really, really late for me (like 10:00)!!  Ate a handful of chex cereal trying to decide if I was going to toss my cookies again or not.   My daughter Cindy, my grandchildren and my friend Cindy came by.   Three children went to play frisbee golf at Patriot's park while John Russell's friend (a.k.a. as another brother to the little guys) Phillip visited.  I ate baked ziti for lunch (thanks Jennifer) and then took a zofran quickly after in hopes I won't get ill today.   I'm super tired and have a gross taste in my mouth but NOT hugging a commode so life is good.

Blessings to be thankful today:  my husband has work, my children have been helpful, children, grandchildren, friends, family, warm fire to sit by while I type and play Words with Friends, and a faithful God.

What am I preaching to myself today?   The Spiritual Blessings in Ephesians

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him.  In love he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved.  In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, which he lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insight  making known to us the mystery of his will, according to his purpose, which he set forth in Christ as a plan for the fullness of time, to unite all things in him, things in heaven and things on earth.  In him we have obtained an inheritance, having been predestined according to the purpose of him who works all things according to the counsel of his will, so that we who were the first to hope in Christ might be to the praise of his glory.  In him you also, when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation, and believed in him, were sealed with the promised Holy Spirit, who is the guarantee of our inheritance until we acquire possession of it, to the praise of his glory.

Amen and Amen!

Preach to Yourself!

I was pondering whether to keep this daily blog of our cancer story because it sounds like "me, me, me, it's all about me."   However, today I received encouraging e-mails and a phone call that it was helping other people with their family's walk with sickness.   Therefore, write I will.    I was excited that last night was my first night without taking pain medicine to sleep in months and that I haven't gotten sick from the chemo.   Today started out really well.   Although it was really cold and windy, it was a beautiful morning.  My husband and I went to get my radiation, grabbed a few things at Wal Mart that we needed at home, and I was done before he even paid.   Exhaustion hit and I went to the car.   By noon pain returned again and doggone it if I didn't start getting nauseous around 1 or 2:00 p.m.   Rested and played computer games in the bed with the hubby while older children finished up school, my oldest son and 2nd daughter painted the bathroom, and the others cleaned their rooms and then played wii.  At around 6 p.m., I began throwing up.   Now, although I have had plenty of experience throwing up because I did so with nine of my pregnancies, it's still awful.  There's no sugar coating vomiting whether it's cleaning up after your children or if it's you running to the commode yourself.   It's just terrible.    When life feels really stinky with things I'm facing, I always have a few choices.   First:   I can feel sorry for myself.   Throw myself a pity party.   I'm sure my family and close friends would join me for a bit but then everybody gets tired of it including the party thrower.   So, option number one will not work for me.    Secondly:   Become a martyr by not throwing a loud pity party but instead choose to feel sorry for myself in silence but tell everybody else it's not so bad while excusing myself to run to the bathroom carrying my chemo bag and puke.   Thirdly:  Preach to myself.   Preaching to myself I can be honest about how I feel but speak God's Word into the situation.  

Pastor Wade Trimmer (tridm.org) taught us well about preaching to ourselves (and others).  One example is when I'm feeling sorry for myself in any way I can go to the Word and remind myself that I am one of God's SPECIALS!   Because I have received Jesus as my Savior, I can remind myself that I am Sovereignly chosen, Positionally holy, Experientially changed, Completely accepted, Incredibly secure, Avowedly valuable, I've been Legally cleared, and even if I don't feel like it, I am being Securely managed.   When I'm not feeling so sick, I'll pull out my notes with all the scriptures to back these claims. 

One of the first e-mails I received was from Pastor Wade reminding me to preach to myself during this trial.  He wrote “Stop listening to all the temporal reports, especially what your own self is probably saying and start preaching to yourself.  No prattling, murmuring or mumbling speech is to be allowed. With the boldness of a convinced believer, take hold of yourself and preach! Proclaim good news, glad tidings of great joy. (By the way, this is not positive thinking or "word of faith" theology or magic. This is preaching the gospel of Christ to yourself.)"

Then he gave me some great specifics that I have preached to myself along the way that I will share from his letter below.  

  

Tell yourself that you are loved by God, that Christ has died in your stead, that the Holy Spirit lives in you, consecrating you to God and guaranteeing your salvation. Tell yourself that you will celebrate all that Father God’s precious Son is: who He is to you, and for you, over you, and within you, through you, and before and upon you. Before all Heaven proclaim: Christ is supreme, sovereign, superior, sufficient and totally satisfying – and He is mine and I am His!

Inform yourself that Jesus is your defense attorney, that he pleads his blood in response to every charge brought against you. Tell your sickness that not only do you have a defense attorney, but Jesus is your Great Physician and because of that its days are numbered.  And even if it should—God forbid—last till your dying breath, it will thus be vanquished for all eternity while you escape to perfect health and everlasting joy. Thumb your nose at it and declare it won't win. Christ won, so Christ will. You will outlast your sickness, because Christ, who is your life, is in you as the hope of glory, and He will outlast it. Tell yourself that you may be in a deep pit, but Christ is deeper still!

Then Pray:  Father, I come boldly before Your throne of grace to obtain help and strength for healing in my body. Father, You said that You desire above all things that we would prosper and be in good health. You instructed us not to forget the benefits, which You have given us as children of God. For You said that You would forgive us of our sins and iniquities, and You would heal us of all our sickness and diseases (Ps 103:3-5). Therefore, as a child of the Most High God, I receive the blessings and benefits of my healing.

 

Father, You warned us that the righteous would have many afflictions, but You promised to deliver us from them all (Ps 34:9). So Father, I thank You for delivering me from this physical affliction.

Father, I thank You that You have given us authority to speak to our circumstances. Therefore, by the authority of the name of my Lord Jesus Christ, I speak unto my mountain, which is this sickness, and I command it to be removed, uprooted, and cast into the sea. And even as Jesus spoke to the fig tree and told it to die, and it died, I speak to this sickness, and I command it to die at the very root, and not to spring up again.

By the authority of the name of Jesus Christ, I command every cell, every molecule, every organ, and every part of my body to operate and perform the way that God made them to perform. I reverse the curse of sickness, and I receive the blessing of healing in my body.

Father, Your word tells us that You are the God that heals us of all of our sickness and diseases. You said that You would take sickness and disease away from us, and You promised to fulfill the number of our days, which is seventy years, and then some. I thank You Father, for taking away this infirmity from my body. And even as You have begun a good work in my life, I am confident that You will perform and complete it; for Your word tells us that with long life You will satisfy us and show us the salvation of the Lord. So I thank You Father, for healing me of this sickness, and also for blessing me with a long and healthy life.

Father, I thank You that my prayers avail much in victory. For You said, “...the effectual, fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.” Father, as I have prayed this prayer, I thank You that Your word shall not return unto You void, but it will accomplish that which You send it to perform. I therefore, release my faith by the word of God which I have prayed. And again I confess, that “WITH THE STRIPES OF JESUS CHRIST, I AM HEALED!”  In the name of Jesus Christ, I pray and receive my healing, AMEN.

I can't help get so excited about the Lord and who He is after I've preached to myself.  Even though I'm tired, I'm hurting, and I feel I could throw up again within this very hour, my spirit is full of His peace and joy.   What battle are you fighting today?   What struggles are you facing?  God's Holy Word has answers for you and I hope that you will search it like you would search for a guaranteed great treasure.   Find out what God says about those struggles, those battles, about you, about Him, and preach to yourself the good news of Jesus!!

Good night!

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Got my Designer Bag and showed my Behind all in the Same Day

Today was day two radiation and day one chemotherapy.   Thankfully, the radiation didn't leave me burning inside for as long as it did yesterday.  Every time I go for radiation I get to lay stomach down on the table and bare my behind.   Fortunately, it looks like I'll only be mooning the staff for about 15 minutes a visit.  If I hadn't had eight children before now, I think I'd be mortified.  

The oncologist visit today consisted of getting a chemo "purse" that attaches to the port in my chest.  I'll be wearing it continuously until my times up.   Thus far I haven't got sick and hoping that continues.   Thanks for all the prayers.

If you want to be challenged in your thinking of God, read "When God Weeps" by Joni Eareckson Tada and Steve Estes.  My friend Audrey had a friend give it to her to give to me when I found out I got cancer.   I didn't feel like I needed it as I hadn't struggled with the Lord that I had cancer.   He is God and I am not.  However, although I'm only a few chapters in, I realize I trust His sovereignty and mystery but have still been very challenged in my thinking.   When finished reading this book, I may post some thoughts on this great read.  

First Day of Radiation

It seems almost surreal that I have cancer.    The few hours a day I feel "normal" we school, clean, read, etc. like every other year.   However, in the last few months  I've become a napper.   I've never liked napping except when I was in the nonfunctional tired stage of pregnancy and even then felt like I wasted time.   I guess I'm sleeping so much because I've become anemic, because I don't sleep well at night due to the pain, or lately from rolling onto the port they put in for the chemo.   I've had 12 appointments in the past few weeks and beginning today will have one appointment four days a week and two appointments one day a week.   Of course, that doesn't include children's six month dental cleanings coming up or Praise's blood work to be sure her thyroid levels are where they should be.   I'm so thankful for the friends and family who get my children to co-op and the park for tennis on Tuesdays and church on Wednesday evenings so their schedule stays pretty much the same. 

The great news of this week is that my mammogram results are in and breast cancer isn't another issue.   That was the original concern after my first appointment due to some fibroid cysts found during my appointment.    Today was my first radiation treatment.   I was surprised to find out how tired I was afterwards and that it felt like my insides were on fire.    Came home and went to bed.   Woke up, ate dinner, and played cards with the family.   The meals that have been provided for our family has been such a blessing.   The prayers have sustained me and I have had more energy since folks have been praying for me than I had before I was diagnosed.  The Lord has given my family and I such peace that it's hard to put into words.    Asking why has not been something I wrestle with because I know we live in a fallen world.   Of course, I'd love for this not to be an issue in our family or for anyone else.   Then again I also wish we didn't have human trafficking, abortion, homeless people, hunger, etc.   It sure makes you long for the new heaven and the new earth.  “Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”(Rev. 21:3-4)  But I'm not ready yet.   I'm hoping to raise my children, see them get married, having more grandchildren and grow old with my high school sweetheart.  Until the Lord tells me otherwise, I'm believing He is able to heal me in a moment or even through medical means.  Thanking the Lord for all the good things He's provided since becoming ill and for being closer than a brother.

3 Appointments and Good News

Today was "meet the radiation oncologist", mammogram, and see the primary care physician so all hoops are jumped in order to be sure insurance is covering everything they should.   The good news at the oncologist was that the cancer looks like it's contained in the colon.   The treatment should be 5 1/2 weeks 5 days a week instead of 8 weeks 5 days a week.   Woo hoo.   The mammogram results should be next week.  Tomorrow morning I have minor day surgery to get the port placed in for the chemotherapy.

Thanks for all the prayers and for all the folks who have blessed my family with meals this week. 

Things I'm thankful so far this year:
    1)  Amazing support from friends and family.
    2)  Refrigerator given to us to replace our 'frige that was dying.
    3)  Counter tops that were built by my husband before our big shock of having cancer have been installed this week and I ruthlessly cleaned out and reorganized (even though it took me two days).
     4)  New home for the home school consignment shop so my living room is already half empty.
    5)   Our home has been full of "the peace that passeth all understanding" and my children have not become fearful or overly stressed by all the news of cancer and all the extra appointments that we have had.  Thank you Jesus!