Prayer for Our Children

Father, hear us, we are praying,
Hear the words our hearts are saying,
We are praying for our children.

Keep them from the powers of evil,
From the secret, hidden peril.
Father, hear us for our children.

From the whirlpool that would suck them,
From the treacherous quicksand, pluck them,
Father, hear us for our children.

From the worldling's hollow gladness,
From the sting of faithless sadness,
Father, Father, keep our children.

Through life's troubled waters steer them,
Through life's bitter battle, cheer them,
Father, Father, be thou near them.

Read the language of our longing.
Read the wordless pleading thronging,
Holy Father, for our children.

And wherever they may bide,
Lead them home eventide.

~Amy Carmichael

Day of Radiation

I couldn't tell you if all folks who go for radiation treatment's appointments look like mine but I thought I'd share what mine looks like.    I'm sure they vary depending on the cancer, the person, and the doctor.  I've learned that everyone's chemo treatments are different as well from the types of medicines they are given, the way it is administered, how often it's ministered, how long they are treated, and I'm sure there are even more variables than I am aware of because this is all so new to me.

I arrive at the radiation center every day Monday through Friday for my 7:45 appointment.  The waiting room is extremely clean and neat but doesn't have that "hospital smell."   The staff are friendly and greet me and everyone else that comes in like a friend when you sign in at the check-in on their very modern computerized check in screen.  You have a seat but never for long.  There are only a few other folks usually this early and they vary in their appearance.   You have the folks that are friendly, most are quiet and reserved, and a few appear very sad.   Some mornings very young children are wheeled in for their appointments.   You hear your name called over the loud speaker to come to the treatment area.   When you come to your first appointment, they assign you a specific room and that's the room you go to each time.  When I hear my name, I head to treatment room 4, the purple room, where I am greeted by 2 more friendly staff members.   Then I climb on the table and sit up on my knees,  pull my pants below my "cheeks", and lay forward on this specialized table that has a small hole for your belly to go into.   Then you must lay like dead weight while they shift you around until the small freckle sized tattoos they gave you the first day line up exactly.  The table moves up close to an amazing machine.   It has two arms on the sides that are square and a large round contraption on top.   When they all begin moving, it sounds at first like a space ship is landing and then goes into more of a low whirring noise.  You cannot help but be amazed at the technology as you watch it's precise movements and the massiveness of the machine.  When they've taken a few x-rays to be sure you are lined up on both sides, the machine zaps you on one side for a few seconds, the other side for a few seconds and then your back side for a few seconds.  During the process, you'll hear the technicians change some kind of plates between the zaps.  Then the table pulls out.   I immediately pull my pants up while I await for the table to still and lower.   They grab my chemo bag off my back and hand it to me after I get off the table.   We say our good byes and I head out the door.  The whole process takes around 15 minutes.  I've tried to get my husband to put good morning on my cheeks for when I have to moon the workers each morning and he just won't cooperate. I figured if they had to look at behinds all day that mine could at least be funny.   They died laughing when I told them how I wanted to surprise them.   I would've been the first.   I'm still working on the husband.  So all week I've showed my behind but I promise to try to behave this weekend.

Prayer requests:  my white blood cell counts are low, please pray they go up.

Praise reports:   I haven't had to prepare a meal since my first week of treatments.   My family has been totally spoiled.   We haven't had to stress about the multiple co-pays either due to the generous deposits to our emergency checking account.  I was able to share the Lord at my chemo appointment which I'll share in another post.  I also have only taken pain medicine to sleep one night this week and I haven't had to take the medicine for vomiting at all.   So except for the poison that is dripping in me 7 days a week and my insides getting daily fried, I'm doing pretty well.

Thanks to everyone for the amazing support and mostly for the prayers!

Path of What If's

A few days ago, my curly haired two year old boy came up to me very thoughtful.  He looked at the hose coming out of my port in my chest to my chemo bag and said, "Mom, me don't want you to die."   Trying not to be floored by his comment, I replied "Me either buddy.   Why don't we pray."   He sat in my lap and we prayed that the Lord would heal me.  He said amen, jumped off the couch and went on his merry way playing on the floor in front of the couch I was laying on.   I was floored because we never discussed with any of the children that I could die.   I couldn't even imagine how my two year old would have a concept of death.  When my children have asked specific questions, we gave honest specific answers.   When they asked could you die?   I said yes but it's 90% curable these days and our days are in His hands and I believe the Lord has many more days for me yet.   Otherwise, we're believing this is just a short, hard journey on the road we are on. 

The one thing I haven't done on this journey is go down the road of what if's.

*What if I die?
*What if my organs are damaged from the chemo or radiation?
*What if the bills get too high?
I've been down that "what if" trail before and all it does for me to produce fear and make me think I'm prepared with a default plan.   For example, my husband is late coming home from work
*What if he had an accident and died?   I then prepare mental steps of how I'll have to handle things.
*What if someone in the family loses a job?
*What if someone gets seriously ill?
*What if there is an affair?
*What if my children walk the wrong road in life?
*What if....what if....what if....You get the picture.   We can work up scenarios in our mind, get stressed about them, and they never happen.   I'm not saying don't be prepared in life.   Save money when you can.  Set goals.  Stock your pantry.  Have life insurance.  What I am saying, is I need to trust the Lord for my DAILY bread.   Matthew 6:34 says, "Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."   After my radiation appointment and a few errands this morning, today I concentrated on resting and getting well, spending time talking to my family, thanking the Lord for another day, and praying without ceasing.   When I think about the poison going in my body, pray the Lord will heal me quick and protect me from the dangers and let it go.   Going through this cancer has opened my eyes even more to the brevity of life and the folly of worry.  

I Peter 1:2-4 reminds us all flesh is like grass and all its glory like the flower of grass. The grass withers, and the flower falls.  

Job 14:2 He springs up like a flower and withers away; like a fleeting shadow, he does not endure.  

Psalm 39:6 Man is a mere phantom as he goes to and fro: He bustles about, but only in vain; he heaps up wealth, not knowing who will get it.  

Yet at the same time we must keep in mind:

Matthew 6:30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? and 

Matthew 6:27  And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?

Again, I preach to myself that worrying about the what if's does NOTHING!   It cannot change that I have cancer.   It cannot do anything but cause stress.   Stress is not healthy so that does not assist me in any way.   However, I can cast all my cares upon Him and live each day to the fullest attempting to live that life of no regrets (although there will always be some).   

Ecclesiastes 5:18-20

Behold that which I have seen: it is good and comely for one to eat and to drink, and to enjoy the good of all his labor that he taketh under the sun all the days of his life, which God giveth him: for it is his portion.  Every man also to whom God hath given riches and wealth, and hath given him power to eat thereof, and to take his portion, and to rejoice in his labor; this is the gift of God.  For he shall not much remember the days of his life; because God answereth him in the joy of his heart.

Oh, I'm Healthy Alright :)

One of the funniest comments I've received from a couple of different doctors at different times was when I've been told "You are really healthy, you know, except for the cancer."   Today was the beginning of week two of chemo and I was told that my iron is still too low but higher than last week.    My blood pressure was back to normal 110/60 instead of the higher for me 124/87.   It was the weight I couldn't believe.   Despite the sickness and lack of eating, I gained FOUR WHOPPING POUNDS!  Thanks for the prayers to be healthy guys but trust me my weight doesn't need to get any "healthier", . 

I'm still reading "When God Weeps" when I'm sitting at the oncologist's office.  It is a fantastic book on suffering that I didn't think I needed to read but am so glad that I decided to.  The following is a great paragraph from the chapter on "Heaven's Dirty Laundry."

"Eden's lost innocence opened sluice gates of sorrow beyond telling.  It will take heaven to dry it all up---to provide the total picture that will ease our hearts for ever.   

Why do we doubt?  At bottom, we're uncomfortable with these truths, because we're sinful.  By nature we all wish God were a few notches lower---a diety lofty enough to help in our trials but not so....uncomfortable."

Ouch!  This chapter told us how faith is hard and even in the Psalms it tells us how God hides.   Proverbs 25:2 says "It is the glory of God to conceal a matter."  "He plays his hand close to the vest; he never shows all his cards."   This is so true.   We want a BIG GOD but sometimes our finite minds want to totally understand an infinite, all-powerful God.    We think we know what's best and cannot believe He would allow anything different.   We make a God of our own imagination and don't get to know the God of the Bible.

This chapter ended with a quote from one of my favorite books "The Lion, the Witch, and The Wardrobe" by C.S. Lewis.   If you don't know the story, the lion represents Jesus.

"Is---is he a man?" asked Lucy
"Aslan a man!   said Mr. Beaver sternly.   "Certainly not.   I tell you he is king of the wood and the son of the great Emporer -Beyond-the-Sea.   Don't you know who is the King of the Beasts?   Aslan is the lion---the Lion, the great Lion."
"Ohh!" said Susan.   "I thought he was a man.  Is he---quite safe?  I shall feel rather nervous about meeting a lion."
"That you will, dearie, and no mistake," said Mrs. Beaver, "if there's anyone who can appear before Aslan without their knees knocking, they're either braver than most or else just silly."
"Then he isn't safe?" said Lucy.  
"Safe?" said Mr Beaver.  "Don't you hear what Mrs. Beaver tells you?  Who said anything about safe?  'Course he isn't safe.  But He's good.  He's the King I tell you."

Don't you just love this picture of Christ!   Of course He's not predictable, safe, or tame.   We won't always understand His ways and know why things happen.  But we can trust and know that He's good.  Our God is good!

Okay I'm Done Being Sick!!

Well, I told my husband yesterday that I was done.   I've been sick long enough.   Laying around, having everybody else do so much for me, staying home 24/7 except for the daily doctor visits have had their time but that time is over.   Doing for others is something I enjoy.   Having folks do for me is nice but much harder.   I awoke today ready to be healed and better and found I felt the same.   Therefore, I decided I needed to see the positive in all this down time.

1)   Having time to read.
2)   Making things habits again that we got out of:  family Bible reading, memorization work, and bed times (well, almost on the last one)
3)   Time to sort through things to decide if they are keep, store for the next season, or good will.
4)   Kiddos are helping Dad do much needed home repairs because he is home more.

I believe I'm going to look back at this season and see all the blessings the Lord provided me with.  Although it's not easy feeling awful, I'll never forget all the love He has poured out on me and my family through family, friends and so many in the body of Christ that I haven't even met before.   Big God!   Little cancer.  

Day of Rest

Sing

O give thanks unto the LORD; call upon his name: make known his deeds among the people.

Sing unto him, sing psalms unto him: talk ye of all his wondrous works.
Glory ye in his holy name: let the heart of them rejoice that seek the LORD.
Seek the LORD, and his strength: seek his face evermore.
Remember his marvellous works that he hath done; his wonders, and the judgments of his mouth; 
(Psalm 105:1-5)

Remember

I will remember the works of the LORD: surely I will remember thy wonders of old.  (Psalm 77:11)

Rest

O Christian men and women, you, also, miss much of your rest! You have too much of fretfulness, too much of care, too much that is servile. The land does not keep her Sabbaths as she should, neither does your soul rest as it might! And as for jubilees, how very scarce they are! If Christians lived near to God and enjoyed the peace which Jesus gives, they might keep Jubilee every year and Sabbath every day! The Lord grant that we may have power to enjoy His rest and that it may never be said of us, “They could not enter in because of unbelief.”  Brothers and Sisters, the Lord, as if to show us that He would have us rest, has been pleased to speak of resting, Himself! It is inconceivable that He should be fatigued! It were profanity to suppose that He who faints not, neither is weary, and of whose understanding there is no searching, can ever be in a condition to need rest! And yet He did rest, for when He had finished all the works of His hands in the six days of creation, the Lord, “rested on the seventh day and sanctified it.” When afterwards that rest was broken because His works were marred, we find Him further on smelling a
“sweet savor of rest” in the sacrifice which was offered unto Him by Noah, whose very name was rest.
These two facts are highly instructive and teach us that God rests in a perfect work and that when that work is marred the Lord rests in a perfect Sacrifice, even in the Lord Jesus Christ! He has a rest there and He speaks of our “entering His rest” as it is written, “they shall not enter into My rest.” There is a rest of God, then, and there remains a rest unto the people of God. And of that rest, not in its highest development in Heaven, but in its present enjoyment on earth, we are about to speak. “Rest in the Lord.” (Charles Spurgeon)

Preach to Yourself Some More

Spent most of last evening sick as a dog.    Got out of bed really, really late for me (like 10:00)!!  Ate a handful of chex cereal trying to decide if I was going to toss my cookies again or not.   My daughter Cindy, my grandchildren and my friend Cindy came by.   Three children went to play frisbee golf at Patriot's park while John Russell's friend (a.k.a. as another brother to the little guys) Phillip visited.  I ate baked ziti for lunch (thanks Jennifer) and then took a zofran quickly after in hopes I won't get ill today.   I'm super tired and have a gross taste in my mouth but NOT hugging a commode so life is good.

Blessings to be thankful today:  my husband has work, my children have been helpful, children, grandchildren, friends, family, warm fire to sit by while I type and play Words with Friends, and a faithful God.

What am I preaching to myself today?   The Spiritual Blessings in Ephesians

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him.  In love he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved.  In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, which he lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insight  making known to us the mystery of his will, according to his purpose, which he set forth in Christ as a plan for the fullness of time, to unite all things in him, things in heaven and things on earth.  In him we have obtained an inheritance, having been predestined according to the purpose of him who works all things according to the counsel of his will, so that we who were the first to hope in Christ might be to the praise of his glory.  In him you also, when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation, and believed in him, were sealed with the promised Holy Spirit, who is the guarantee of our inheritance until we acquire possession of it, to the praise of his glory.

Amen and Amen!

Preach to Yourself!

I was pondering whether to keep this daily blog of our cancer story because it sounds like "me, me, me, it's all about me."   However, today I received encouraging e-mails and a phone call that it was helping other people with their family's walk with sickness.   Therefore, write I will.    I was excited that last night was my first night without taking pain medicine to sleep in months and that I haven't gotten sick from the chemo.   Today started out really well.   Although it was really cold and windy, it was a beautiful morning.  My husband and I went to get my radiation, grabbed a few things at Wal Mart that we needed at home, and I was done before he even paid.   Exhaustion hit and I went to the car.   By noon pain returned again and doggone it if I didn't start getting nauseous around 1 or 2:00 p.m.   Rested and played computer games in the bed with the hubby while older children finished up school, my oldest son and 2nd daughter painted the bathroom, and the others cleaned their rooms and then played wii.  At around 6 p.m., I began throwing up.   Now, although I have had plenty of experience throwing up because I did so with nine of my pregnancies, it's still awful.  There's no sugar coating vomiting whether it's cleaning up after your children or if it's you running to the commode yourself.   It's just terrible.    When life feels really stinky with things I'm facing, I always have a few choices.   First:   I can feel sorry for myself.   Throw myself a pity party.   I'm sure my family and close friends would join me for a bit but then everybody gets tired of it including the party thrower.   So, option number one will not work for me.    Secondly:   Become a martyr by not throwing a loud pity party but instead choose to feel sorry for myself in silence but tell everybody else it's not so bad while excusing myself to run to the bathroom carrying my chemo bag and puke.   Thirdly:  Preach to myself.   Preaching to myself I can be honest about how I feel but speak God's Word into the situation.  

Pastor Wade Trimmer (tridm.org) taught us well about preaching to ourselves (and others).  One example is when I'm feeling sorry for myself in any way I can go to the Word and remind myself that I am one of God's SPECIALS!   Because I have received Jesus as my Savior, I can remind myself that I am Sovereignly chosen, Positionally holy, Experientially changed, Completely accepted, Incredibly secure, Avowedly valuable, I've been Legally cleared, and even if I don't feel like it, I am being Securely managed.   When I'm not feeling so sick, I'll pull out my notes with all the scriptures to back these claims. 

One of the first e-mails I received was from Pastor Wade reminding me to preach to myself during this trial.  He wrote “Stop listening to all the temporal reports, especially what your own self is probably saying and start preaching to yourself.  No prattling, murmuring or mumbling speech is to be allowed. With the boldness of a convinced believer, take hold of yourself and preach! Proclaim good news, glad tidings of great joy. (By the way, this is not positive thinking or "word of faith" theology or magic. This is preaching the gospel of Christ to yourself.)"

Then he gave me some great specifics that I have preached to myself along the way that I will share from his letter below.  

  

Tell yourself that you are loved by God, that Christ has died in your stead, that the Holy Spirit lives in you, consecrating you to God and guaranteeing your salvation. Tell yourself that you will celebrate all that Father God’s precious Son is: who He is to you, and for you, over you, and within you, through you, and before and upon you. Before all Heaven proclaim: Christ is supreme, sovereign, superior, sufficient and totally satisfying – and He is mine and I am His!

Inform yourself that Jesus is your defense attorney, that he pleads his blood in response to every charge brought against you. Tell your sickness that not only do you have a defense attorney, but Jesus is your Great Physician and because of that its days are numbered.  And even if it should—God forbid—last till your dying breath, it will thus be vanquished for all eternity while you escape to perfect health and everlasting joy. Thumb your nose at it and declare it won't win. Christ won, so Christ will. You will outlast your sickness, because Christ, who is your life, is in you as the hope of glory, and He will outlast it. Tell yourself that you may be in a deep pit, but Christ is deeper still!

Then Pray:  Father, I come boldly before Your throne of grace to obtain help and strength for healing in my body. Father, You said that You desire above all things that we would prosper and be in good health. You instructed us not to forget the benefits, which You have given us as children of God. For You said that You would forgive us of our sins and iniquities, and You would heal us of all our sickness and diseases (Ps 103:3-5). Therefore, as a child of the Most High God, I receive the blessings and benefits of my healing.

 

Father, You warned us that the righteous would have many afflictions, but You promised to deliver us from them all (Ps 34:9). So Father, I thank You for delivering me from this physical affliction.

Father, I thank You that You have given us authority to speak to our circumstances. Therefore, by the authority of the name of my Lord Jesus Christ, I speak unto my mountain, which is this sickness, and I command it to be removed, uprooted, and cast into the sea. And even as Jesus spoke to the fig tree and told it to die, and it died, I speak to this sickness, and I command it to die at the very root, and not to spring up again.

By the authority of the name of Jesus Christ, I command every cell, every molecule, every organ, and every part of my body to operate and perform the way that God made them to perform. I reverse the curse of sickness, and I receive the blessing of healing in my body.

Father, Your word tells us that You are the God that heals us of all of our sickness and diseases. You said that You would take sickness and disease away from us, and You promised to fulfill the number of our days, which is seventy years, and then some. I thank You Father, for taking away this infirmity from my body. And even as You have begun a good work in my life, I am confident that You will perform and complete it; for Your word tells us that with long life You will satisfy us and show us the salvation of the Lord. So I thank You Father, for healing me of this sickness, and also for blessing me with a long and healthy life.

Father, I thank You that my prayers avail much in victory. For You said, “...the effectual, fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.” Father, as I have prayed this prayer, I thank You that Your word shall not return unto You void, but it will accomplish that which You send it to perform. I therefore, release my faith by the word of God which I have prayed. And again I confess, that “WITH THE STRIPES OF JESUS CHRIST, I AM HEALED!”  In the name of Jesus Christ, I pray and receive my healing, AMEN.

I can't help get so excited about the Lord and who He is after I've preached to myself.  Even though I'm tired, I'm hurting, and I feel I could throw up again within this very hour, my spirit is full of His peace and joy.   What battle are you fighting today?   What struggles are you facing?  God's Holy Word has answers for you and I hope that you will search it like you would search for a guaranteed great treasure.   Find out what God says about those struggles, those battles, about you, about Him, and preach to yourself the good news of Jesus!!

Good night!

---

Got my Designer Bag and showed my Behind all in the Same Day

Today was day two radiation and day one chemotherapy.   Thankfully, the radiation didn't leave me burning inside for as long as it did yesterday.  Every time I go for radiation I get to lay stomach down on the table and bare my behind.   Fortunately, it looks like I'll only be mooning the staff for about 15 minutes a visit.  If I hadn't had eight children before now, I think I'd be mortified.  

The oncologist visit today consisted of getting a chemo "purse" that attaches to the port in my chest.  I'll be wearing it continuously until my times up.   Thus far I haven't got sick and hoping that continues.   Thanks for all the prayers.

If you want to be challenged in your thinking of God, read "When God Weeps" by Joni Eareckson Tada and Steve Estes.  My friend Audrey had a friend give it to her to give to me when I found out I got cancer.   I didn't feel like I needed it as I hadn't struggled with the Lord that I had cancer.   He is God and I am not.  However, although I'm only a few chapters in, I realize I trust His sovereignty and mystery but have still been very challenged in my thinking.   When finished reading this book, I may post some thoughts on this great read.  

First Day of Radiation

It seems almost surreal that I have cancer.    The few hours a day I feel "normal" we school, clean, read, etc. like every other year.   However, in the last few months  I've become a napper.   I've never liked napping except when I was in the nonfunctional tired stage of pregnancy and even then felt like I wasted time.   I guess I'm sleeping so much because I've become anemic, because I don't sleep well at night due to the pain, or lately from rolling onto the port they put in for the chemo.   I've had 12 appointments in the past few weeks and beginning today will have one appointment four days a week and two appointments one day a week.   Of course, that doesn't include children's six month dental cleanings coming up or Praise's blood work to be sure her thyroid levels are where they should be.   I'm so thankful for the friends and family who get my children to co-op and the park for tennis on Tuesdays and church on Wednesday evenings so their schedule stays pretty much the same. 

The great news of this week is that my mammogram results are in and breast cancer isn't another issue.   That was the original concern after my first appointment due to some fibroid cysts found during my appointment.    Today was my first radiation treatment.   I was surprised to find out how tired I was afterwards and that it felt like my insides were on fire.    Came home and went to bed.   Woke up, ate dinner, and played cards with the family.   The meals that have been provided for our family has been such a blessing.   The prayers have sustained me and I have had more energy since folks have been praying for me than I had before I was diagnosed.  The Lord has given my family and I such peace that it's hard to put into words.    Asking why has not been something I wrestle with because I know we live in a fallen world.   Of course, I'd love for this not to be an issue in our family or for anyone else.   Then again I also wish we didn't have human trafficking, abortion, homeless people, hunger, etc.   It sure makes you long for the new heaven and the new earth.  “Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”(Rev. 21:3-4)  But I'm not ready yet.   I'm hoping to raise my children, see them get married, having more grandchildren and grow old with my high school sweetheart.  Until the Lord tells me otherwise, I'm believing He is able to heal me in a moment or even through medical means.  Thanking the Lord for all the good things He's provided since becoming ill and for being closer than a brother.

3 Appointments and Good News

Today was "meet the radiation oncologist", mammogram, and see the primary care physician so all hoops are jumped in order to be sure insurance is covering everything they should.   The good news at the oncologist was that the cancer looks like it's contained in the colon.   The treatment should be 5 1/2 weeks 5 days a week instead of 8 weeks 5 days a week.   Woo hoo.   The mammogram results should be next week.  Tomorrow morning I have minor day surgery to get the port placed in for the chemotherapy.

Thanks for all the prayers and for all the folks who have blessed my family with meals this week. 

Things I'm thankful so far this year:
    1)  Amazing support from friends and family.
    2)  Refrigerator given to us to replace our 'frige that was dying.
    3)  Counter tops that were built by my husband before our big shock of having cancer have been installed this week and I ruthlessly cleaned out and reorganized (even though it took me two days).
     4)  New home for the home school consignment shop so my living room is already half empty.
    5)   Our home has been full of "the peace that passeth all understanding" and my children have not become fearful or overly stressed by all the news of cancer and all the extra appointments that we have had.  Thank you Jesus!

Oh No She Didn't.......Oh Yes I Did!!

Just a little background for those who don't know me well.   I don't like to make excuses for anything.   (O.k. maybe I'd like to but my pride won't allow it.)  When pregnant with Cindy, we climbed Stone Mountain around 8+ months because I didn't want to use the "pregnant card."   When I was pulled over by the police for yielding instead of making a complete stop, I couldn't bring myself to use the "don't you work with my husband card."   If I get behind on chores or school, I don't want to use the "well duh I have 8 children card" because I feel God wouldn't give me more than He will enable me to manage. 

BUT, the other night when we had the house fire, I pulled a card.   My cabinets and counter tops were emptied onto the dining room floor because my husband installed the counter tops before he went to work and my 16 year old was caulking the corners.  My living room was covered in boxes from the home school consignment book store that was being packed up, and I was in my room in the bed with the younger children because I was so stinking tired.   When I surveyed the mess that the firemen had to see as they climbed into my attic to be sure there was not any way our home would catch back on fire after they left, I looked at the fire man holding the ladder and apologized for the mess that I was in bed early with the children because (deep breath and sad countenance) I have cancer.  He apologized and by pulling my C card I realized children services wouldn't be at my door in a few hours due to the disaster of my home and allowing the older boys do fireworks unsupervised.   Soooo there is my true confession.    Now my husband may tell you that I pull it nightly when I ask him to scratch my back but don't you listen to him.

No doctors two months ago....Seven doctors today

It is easier to write when it's not all about yourself.   I've been staring at this screen for the last ten minutes trying to decide what to write about.   Since I last wrote, I'm still continually overwhelmed with the body of Christ sending me notes of encouragement and letting me know they are praying.   Honestly, it's pretty humbling.  Being so much easier to give than receive has never felt more true.   The Lord has provided so much encouragement and peace I forget I'm sick until I get overly tired.   And I haven't been nearly as tired since the body of Christ has lifted me up in prayer.   My food schedule that was set up at takethemameal.com is already filled up through February excepting ONE day!     I'm repeatedly surprised at the love shown to us.    I am probably not much different than most folks reading this blog.    A Christian very aware of her shortcomings, faults, struggles that I'm amazed by His mercy and grace towards me in any given moment on any day that this outpouring of love has made me cry when even the word cancer has not.  

Today a mammogram was set up for Thursday to be sure it's only fibroid cysts in my breasts.   That is a common occurrence in my family but we are making sure.   I've definitely done lots of preventative in that area with 13 pregnancies and 14 years of nursing babies.  Of course, I would have thought I had done enough to prevent colon cancer too.   Whole grains, fresh fruit and vegetables, lots of salads each week, etc. are common in our diet.   Go figure.   I meet radiologist Thursday and then will be seeing him 5 days a week.   I have minor surgery Friday to get a port put in to make the chemo easier.   Then I will only have to visit the oncologist 1 day a week for chemo.   He believes we will only need to go 5 1/2 weeks instead of 8.  My body will rest for a few weeks then surgery.   I'm praying when they check me I won't even need the surgery.   The doctor said I may not even lose my hair (although I wasn't even worried about that.)  I have a large packet to read over tonight to prepare me for the weeks ahead.  

Would still appreciate prayers for healing,  medical expenses covered, peace for my mom, husband, and the children, school to be done well despite circumstances, and for opportunities to share the joy and hope of the Lord with each visit we make to the doctor.   While you are praying, pray my daughter Cindy does well on her college exam tomorrow.   The semester is just beginning but this exam on her first day back is detrimental towards her staying in the nursing program.   Pray also that my son John Russell has an extraordinary experience with the Lord while he's at the Passion Conference in Atlanta this week along with the other high school seniors and college age students.   Pray for Nancy who has taken over teaching my Challenge II classes in co-op that she will not be overwhelmed and sense the equipping of the Lord for this task that has been thrown upon her.  Thanking the Lord for you all.  

New Year's Plans

Happy New Year!  I was pondering why we get so excited about a new year that we make extravagant resolutions and plans that we hope to improve ourselves by year after year.   Surprisingly, my somewhat negative attitude towards New Year's Resolutions aside, when reviewing previous years I realized that despite not making "the goal" in the year I had made them and "arriving" at some destination of my imagination,  I've come a long way.   When I began wanting to eat healthier 25 years ago, new recipes were found.    Now I do most of my cooking without a recipe and naturally add onions, garlic, olive oil, coconut oil to recipes that I can to improve it's health benefits.    I began buying whole grain breads.  Now I bake whole grain breads from fresh ground wheat.   I don't juice every day but my family juices a lot when fresh/frozen fruits and vegetables are available.  We may not go to the gym daily but we look for ways to be active even if it means walking or riding bikes around the neighborhood, parking way out at the store, taking stairs instead of elevators, etc.  My garden will never make the cover of a magazine but it supplies a lot of great veggies during the summer months.   Now lest you think I'm bragging, I can also tell you many goals I did not accomplish this past year like finishing painting the interior of our home, keeping clutter totally under control, paying off taxes early, and visiting family more.

Here we are the first week of January and despite myself, I'm excited to be at the starting gates ready to run.    May we run the race well this year and not grow weary in well doing. 

Here are some of my goals/plans.  

1)  Family Bible Reading continued and more consistent. We stay on track on school days but vary on others.
2)   Bible Memory.   Have a list of things for us to memorize this year.
3)  Nutrition.  Goals spread throughout the year like remember to drink your green tea, juice daily with Barley max, etc.   Would love to only make our bread and not purchase but not knowing what chemo/radiation is going to be like this year it's a goal I'll be flexible on. 
4)  Exercise.   Do something daily.
5)  Personal Bible Study:   Beginning with the New Inductive Bible study on the Pentatuch
6) Home schooling:   Staying on track in our Challenge courses and Foundations Work.   Reading more great books.
7)   Home.   Finish decluttering and house repairs (painting, trim work, etc.)
8)  Lord willing, kick this cancer to the curb and be "normal" again.

What are some of your aspirations this coming year, 2012!

When it Rains, It Pours

In the last two weeks, I have found out I have cancer and  my life will be radically changing for the next 6 months barring a miracle.  After this great news, our refrigerator begins  a quick death.   Today on the way to church our "Service Engine Soon" light comes on and stays on.  Then tonight, because things haven't been stressful enough on my poor husband, my boys had done their very few legal fireworks because they fell asleep too early last night.  When finished, one of my sons put the firework trash next to the trash can.  I'm in bed already because I am super tired this evening and another son runs in to say "Mom, the house is on fire!".   I run out and the huge green trash can is burnt to the ground the eaves on that side of the house is peeled back and the wood is burnt or gone.   The fire men show up and need to get into the attic to be sure it is totally out and have no chance of it relighting.    To say I had a great reaction to this ONE MORE THING would be a lie. Immediately, I am overwhelmed and burdened feeling like I am in a huge spiritual battle and growing very weary.

About the point of having a total meltdown, I am reminded that 1)  The Lord is with me and will not leave me during my physical battle.  2) Once I admitted my need for a refrigerator, the Lord provided me one through another Christian family.   3)  When I went to O'Reilly's after church today, they believe it's just a spark plug that needs to be fixed on the truck.  4)  A similar incident happened up north with fireplace ashes set next to trash can and five people were killed in that fire.   Praise God our house is nothing compared to the lives that live within it. 

Psalm 42:5-6  

Why are you cast down, O my soul,
   and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,
   my salvation and my God. 

The cure for this emotional setback is to praise Jesus.   Praise Him for being my provider.   Praise Him for being my healer.  Praise Him for He is Wonderful, Counselor, Prince of Peace, Mighty God!!   Let everything within me praise His holy name.