Quote from "Stepping Heavenward" by Mrs. E. Prentiss

"She says I shall now have one mouth more to fill and two feet the more to shoe, more disturbed nights, more laborious days, and less leisure or visiting, reading, music and drawing.

Well! This is one side of the story, to be sure, but I look at the other.

Here is a sweet, fragrant mouth to kiss; here are two more feet to make music with their pattering about my nursery. Here is a soul to train for God; and the body in which dwells is worthy of all it will cost, since it is the abode of a kingly tenant. I may see less of friends, but I have gained one dearer than them all, to whom, while I minister in Christ's name, I make a willing sacrifice of what little leisure for my own recreation my other dear darlings had left me. Yes, my precious baby, you are welcome to her time, her strength, her health, her tenderest cares, to her lifelong prayers! Oh, how rich I am, how truly, wondrously blest!"

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Path of What If's

A few days ago, my curly haired two year old boy came up to me very thoughtful.  He looked at the hose coming out of my port in my chest to my chemo bag and said, "Mom, me don't want you to die."   Trying not to be floored by his comment, I replied "Me either buddy.   Why don't we pray."   He sat in my lap and we prayed that the Lord would heal me.  He said amen, jumped off the couch and went on his merry way playing on the floor in front of the couch I was laying on.   I was floored because we never discussed with any of the children that I could die.   I couldn't even imagine how my two year old would have a concept of death.  When my children have asked specific questions, we gave honest specific answers.   When they asked could you die?   I said yes but it's 90% curable these days and our days are in His hands and I believe the Lord has many more days for me yet.   Otherwise, we're believing this is just a short, hard journey on the road we are on. 

The one thing I haven't done on this journey is go down the road of what if's.

*What if I die?
*What if my organs are damaged from the chemo or radiation?
*What if the bills get too high?
I've been down that "what if" trail before and all it does for me to produce fear and make me think I'm prepared with a default plan.   For example, my husband is late coming home from work
*What if he had an accident and died?   I then prepare mental steps of how I'll have to handle things.
*What if someone in the family loses a job?
*What if someone gets seriously ill?
*What if there is an affair?
*What if my children walk the wrong road in life?
*What if....what if....what if....You get the picture.   We can work up scenarios in our mind, get stressed about them, and they never happen.   I'm not saying don't be prepared in life.   Save money when you can.  Set goals.  Stock your pantry.  Have life insurance.  What I am saying, is I need to trust the Lord for my DAILY bread.   Matthew 6:34 says, "Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."   After my radiation appointment and a few errands this morning, today I concentrated on resting and getting well, spending time talking to my family, thanking the Lord for another day, and praying without ceasing.   When I think about the poison going in my body, pray the Lord will heal me quick and protect me from the dangers and let it go.   Going through this cancer has opened my eyes even more to the brevity of life and the folly of worry.  

I Peter 1:2-4 reminds us all flesh is like grass and all its glory like the flower of grass. The grass withers, and the flower falls.  
Job 14:2 He springs up like a flower and withers away; like a fleeting shadow, he does not endure.  
Psalm 39:6 Man is a mere phantom as he goes to and fro: He bustles about, but only in vain; he heaps up wealth, not knowing who will get it.  
Yet at the same time we must keep in mind:
Matthew 6:30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? and 
Matthew 6:27  And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?

Again, I preach to myself that worrying about the what if's does NOTHING!   It cannot change that I have cancer.   It cannot do anything but cause stress.   Stress is not healthy so that does not assist me in any way.   However, I can cast all my cares upon Him and live each day to the fullest attempting to live that life of no regrets (although there will always be some).   

Ecclesiastes 5:18-20
Behold that which I have seen: it is good and comely for one to eat and to drink, and to enjoy the good of all his labor that he taketh under the sun all the days of his life, which God giveth him: for it is his portion.  Every man also to whom God hath given riches and wealth, and hath given him power to eat thereof, and to take his portion, and to rejoice in his labor; this is the gift of God.  For he shall not much remember the days of his life; because God answereth him in the joy of his heart.

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