2019 - A Year of Adventure - January recap

Somewhere as the last year was wrapping I decided that 2019 would be our Year of Adventure.   Last year was a more of a year of healing, and figuring out what would our normal be without my Rusty (deep sigh as I type).  I'm absolutely sure that our normal isn't very normal at all, but it seems to be working for us as I juggle work, home schooling, church, and more on most days. 

Adventure #1:  January took off and we decided to embark on our first adventure by walking a 3.5 mile ranger led walk at Mistletoe State Park, GA.   My friends Susan and Frankie met us, and we enjoyed walking through the woods on a brisk winter morning.   If you are interested in beautiful woodsy walks, you can probably check out your local state or national parks for group walks on their website.

Adventure #2:  One Sunday evening we decided to walk some local trails around the lake where we live.   We (my youngest kiddos, the grandkiddos, a friend of theirs and I)  had a great time.   We also learned a lot when we were far from where we parked, and "nature called" one of my little fellas.   His older sister learned from her camping trips with American Heritage Girls what to do, and instructed him to make a cat hole and wipe with leaves.  Note for next trip:  pack a little TP in the back pack for just in case stops in the future.   We left our home nice and clean, and came home muddy but happy. 

Adventure #3:  Lunar Eclipse.   It was spectacular.    The grands were over and they made it to about midnight with Christopher, but Emily and I were up for hours braving the cold to get pictures.   It would take two of us to adjust the telescope, hold the phone and focus with it's camera, and shoot a good picture.  It was a lot of work, but we had so much fun. 

Stay tuned for our February adventures which will include the completion of our Glamper project, North Carolina fun, Michael's ski trip, and our out of country trip to Thailand.

2018 In Review

Nearly every year for the last 2 decades, I've done a yearly letter that goes out at Christmas with our cards, or in an e-mail, or link to update what's been going on in our family.   However, I didn't get to it at the end of last year, and honestly probably wouldn't now, but I'm not good with skipping a year.   I want these letters to stay with my kiddos as a small journal of sorts for when I'm old or gone of what their growing up years were like, or how excited I was about their accomplishments, and even how we grieved over cancer diagnoses and their Daddy's passing from this life.

A YEAR OF HEALING

I've no other way to sum up 2018, but perhaps call it our year of healing.  We stayed extremely busy from getting our long time home in Grovetown fixed to sell, and sold; home schooling, working, Classical Conversations meetings, and just a lot of juggling trying to figure out what in the world our new normal would be like.   God was good to us, and continues to be.  He's been a great Provider when I'm unsure how we even survived except His hand in our lives.   He's been our Comforter, and source of Peace.   We are broken, but finding our way with the help of the Lord and His people.  Thanks again for all the prayers and support you've showed our family in so many ways.   It hasn't gone unnoticed, even if we are very behind on giving you thanks.

The following is a little glimpse of each child's year.   They are each on different journeys, but my prayer is always they keep the Lord near. 

Cindy:   She is still working as a burn unit surgery nurse at Doctor's Hospital, and is doing a fantastic job.   She bought a beautiful house with a pool this year.    We were super excited for her about that.   Rylie was 7th grade Class president at Augusta Christian, and played basketball.   Jackson is a 4th grader at ACS, and enjoys football.   I may be biased, but my grands are great!

John Russell and Lindsey:   They are both at very busy times in their lives with work.   John Russell traveled much with work, and spent many months in Savannah.   Lindsey continues to work for a dermatologist, and working towards becoming a PA.    They are busy, but doing well.

Nicholas and Lydia:   Nicholas joined the Marines, and even loved boot camp!   He went to Pensacola FL, then NC, and is now stationed in San Diego, CA.   He's enjoying the cooler weather.   Lydia was accepted in nursing school and doing great.  They set a date for a wedding in April of 2019.   We are so excited.

Timothy and Olivia:    Timothy finished welding school with honors.  (Of course, I had no idea until graduation.)    He stayed busy with work, school, and his beautiful wife.   Olivia continued with her horticulture studies.   They are expecting a baby March/April of 2019.   We are beyond thrilled!!

Praise:   Praise moved in with Cindy this year to be closer to work and school.  She is doing well, and works for Chicken Salad Chick.    She traveled to California this year to visit a friend.   She's grown to be a responsible young women in whom I'm very proud.

Michael:   He did Classical Conversations for his junior year.    He also played football in the fall.  He loved it, and did well.   He went to Jamaica for a summer mission trip, and he volunteers to work camps and VBS during the summer.   He's been a big help to me this year being the oldest boy at home. 

Emily:   Emily also did volunteer work at VBS and the 5th and 6th grade retreat in the summer.  She began Challenge A in Classical Conversations, and seems to enjoy Cartography and the reading (not writing) the literature, and doing Latin with me the most.   She loves having company, playing outside, kayaking, and anything summer.  She's grown taller, and continues to have a sweet spirit.

Christopher:   The baby turned 9 this year.   He was able to go to his first summer camp, and he loved it.   He loves playing outside, kayaking, swimming, jumping on the trampoline, and reading.      We all just love him. 

Thanks for your friendship, keeping up with this Big Happy Family of mine, and all the prayers that have held us up these past few crazy years.  Lots of love, Michelle


(Note:  I have pictures for all these, but blogger is having trouble uploading them.  To be added as soon as possible.)

REST

Even beasts of burden must be turned out to grass occasionally; the very sea pauses at ebb and flood; earth keeps the Sabbath of the wintry months; and man, even when exalted to God's ambassador, must rest or faint, must trim his lamp or let it burn low; must recruit his vigor or grow prematurely old....In the long run we shall do more by sometimes doing less.   ~Charles Spurgeon

Rusty's One Year Anniversary in Heaven

Today marks one year since Rusty left this life into eternity.   I knew things went fast his last week, but reading over old posts to have people pray that last week it was confirmed how quickly we went from hospital, to hospice, to home, to heaven in just 3-4 days.   I'm thankful for friends and family who prayed and held out for a miracle with me, and I'm thankful to the Lord if we weren't going to get one this side of heaven that he took Rusty before he suffered too terribly.

I'll say up front in this blog, I'm not a good griever.   I have many days with sad moments, but not many consecutively sad days.   I often wonder if it's because I was so thankful to get many months instead of a few months to spend intentionally together.   We departed with no regrets, no hanging questions, no bitterness, and with plenty of hope for a better tomorrow when we both meet again in heaven.    Perhaps it is because I was so thankful when the children and I prayed over Rusty that the Lord mercifully answered our prayer to bring him home quickly if he wasn't going to be healed.   Don't get me wrong, I miss Rusty terribly.

You cannot be with somebody for most of your life, and not miss doing life together.    Things I miss:   cooking breakfast and/or dinner together for the family on days we could, planning family birthdays and holidays were so much fun, sitting together at night and just enjoying togetherness, going on trips to the mountains (Kathy & Chuck's) or to the beach (Suzanne & Colston's), playing cards and games with each other and the kiddos, sending & receiving I love you texts throughout every day when we weren't together, playing pranks on one another, and most of all laughing a lot!   Our family loves to laugh.  I was reminded of this at dinner last night with my children and daughters-in-love that were able to come to our Thursday Mexican night.   We tell stories old and new, and we laugh.   

When things go wrong or decisions need to be made, Rusty is also very missed.  We talked over everything, and I didn't have to worry about what to do with a vehicle.  He just handled it, and I could keep taking care of things I handle in the day.   Of course, I did the same for him with errands, and financial decisions.   We both juggled work with children together.   If I was to teach at church or work and a kiddo was sick, no worry.    He'd stay at home with them.    If the kiddos had appointments, he didn't need to take off, I'd handle it.   We were an excellent team. 

We weren't perfect.  We had our struggles.  We had some tough years.   But we really loved each other, and loved having a family together.  We loved our children and grandchildren.    My heart still hurts a bit at weddings when I see the father daughter dance that some of my girls will miss.  My heart sometimes hurts watching cute older couples together thinking that's what we thought our life would look like one day.   We thought the kiddos would grow up, and we would grow old together.   My heart hurts knowing our children miss their Daddy, and that Christopher and Emily won't have nearly the memories the other children have of him.

We were even silly and playing games on chemo days 

On this day, the one year anniversary of Rusty's entrance to heaven, I want my children to know I'll never forget their Daddy.    I want them to know I'm so proud that sorrow hasn't sent them into abuse of alcohol or drugs to numb their hurt.   I want them to know they can still trust in the Lord to see them through, and He hasn't forgotten us.  I'm glad they can see His hand in providing for the family this past year.   He's also provided big things like Hope in the midst of sorrow.   It's that Hope that fills my heart to overflowing and that keeps me from grieving continually.   It's not judgment on anyone who grieves differently.  We are all different.   All I can speak from is the experience in our family.   My heart has been filled with joy to see children, adult and young, have Hope for tomorrow.   They still make plans with their family, the ones who regularly go to church still go to church, they all still work and play, they all still choose to live life fully (not just go through the motions of daily life to just survive another day).   Even if a part of our heart has died, we choose to live.   Hope that we will be together again rejoicing with our King makes a huge difference in how we have handled our grief.   It's not that Rusty is gone forever, but only until.... 

So Rusty, until we meet again, you are deeply loved and missed.   We will always have a hurt in our hearts for what we miss about you, and wishing grandchildren to come could have known you (Papa Rusty), your humor, work ethic, and crabby ways.   Until then, we will continue to bring you up in conversations so that you are not forgotten, and we can share a tear or a laugh over times past.  Thanks for loving us all so well.    Love you forever, 'Chelle

2018's New Normal

 

Started this new year 2018, as a newly widowed home schooling mama that's juggling work, selling a house, home schooling, being a mom (you know=chef, chauffeur, shopper, boo boo kisser, launderer, chief bottle washer & so much more) has been surreal.   Most days I'm just trying to accomplish all that needs to be done, and try not to think about who I am missing horribly.   However, there are always reminders of who is missing.   When I'm backing up a camper, I can hear him telling me I'm not doing it right.  When I’m painting in his shop, I can hear him reminding me not to ruin his good paint brushes.  When I'm trying to figure out if I should paint cabinets in the house to sell, I want him to make the decision because he would have known what to do.   Little things like wondering if my hair looks alright, he would have been honest and kind.  When the kiddos have been sick, he had always cleaned up the yuck.  Even when the cat killed a mouse, I was reminded that I never had to do the "yucky jobs" if he was around.   He took care of me, and he did it well.  

I never considered growing old alone.   We had lots of plans for when the kiddos were grown.  Of course, most still included them because we hated having fun without them.  We loved including them in all our adventures.   

I believe things are getting back to somewhat of a normal routine (whatever normal is).  Praying the other night, I prayed the same prayer I've prayed with all my littles from a picture that my grandma stitched up for me as a child with my added requests which goes as follows:

Now I lay me down to sleep

I pray the Lord my soul to keep

If I should die before I wake

I pray the Lord my soul to take

If I should live for other days

I pray the Lord to guide my ways

God bless Daddy, Cindy, John Russell, Nicholas, Timothy, Praise, Michael, Emily,  Christopher, Rylie, Jackson, Brandon, Lindsey, and Olivia.

Amen

I got stuck when I got to Daddy, and had to will myself to pray on with Christopher.  It's those reminders that are in the routine of life all around me that can get me even in the good days.   

People have surrounded us with their love, but everyone has got on with their lives as they should.   The dust has cleared; this new normal is forming in our home.  And it’s getting to the really real realization that he’s not coming home.  He’s not just on a trip.   It’s really not just all a terribly, horrid nightmare.   He’s gone, and I’m alone.   But God.   I’m not sure how anyone goes through something like this without knowing the Lord Jesus as their Savior.    When I’ve been tempted to stay sad, He has sent me reminders through my children, through the mail yesterday (you know who you are that has sent me a card faithfully every month even if I don’t), through texts, through a meal from a faithful Tuesday meal giver, and especially through His word.   He hasn’t left me.   When I’m tempted to be full of fear that when my children are all flown from the nest to build their own lives and when I will be alone for the first time in my entire life, He reminds me that I’m never alone.  When I’m tempted to be full of fear that I’m unsure of tomorrow, He reminds me that He is.  When I’m tempted to feel like a failure as a parent due to the health issues Rusty and I have faced over the past 6 years, He reminds me He knew what we would go through when He blessed us with all these wonderful children.   He is good y’all!  

Thanks for all the prayers and support to all who have blessed our family this past year.  We are so very grateful.  My life hasn’t been anything like I imagined.   My heart can be very heavy some days, yet I haven’t lost Hope.   I’ve no idea what tomorrow will bring, but I’m so glad to know the One who does.   

Happy New Year from the Tordoff Troop

This was actually written the end of December, first of January.  I thought it had posted, but obviously had not. 

The traditional Christmas letter didn't happen this year.   I always think as I get older that I will eventually have more time since children have been leaving the nest every few years now, but nope.   My days seem fuller than ever.   However, they aren't stressful and exhausting so I can't complain.  They are definitely full of wonderful people and eternity worthy things.   However, I still wish I had more time to write.   Everyday little things happen or are said that I think, I need to write that down, or that's good, and the children will get a great laugh one day or see how God was moving in their lives so young.   Before I know it, I'm waking up to another day, and that mental note is in a pile on the desk of my brain probably forgotten forever.     Here's an example of those things I don't want to forget, and want my children to know.  The other day I heard some scary news.   My mind was about to travel a road I didn't need to go down that would have filled my heart to overflowing with fear and worry when Christopher comes banging on my door calling my name.  "Mom, Mom, hurry up, you've got to see this!"   It was a beautiful sunset that he wanted to share with me.   It was even more beautiful because he was completely unaware that He wanted to share it with me to encourage me that God is still in control.  I need to rest in Him. I was reminded of the Scripture in Ruth 3, where Naomi is reminding Ruth to "Wait, my daughter, until you learn how the matter turns out."    My heart was filled with peace and wonder.

2016 Recap

Mission Trip to India

India was amazing.   Timothy, Praise, Michael, and I went on a 10 day trip in April to Rajasthan to encourage a family and a bunch of boys they are raising in a boy's home.   We painted rooms in the home, and ran a VBS that week.     We were blessed more than we were a blessing by many hugs and smiles, by their generosity, and by their love.   I could fill this whole letter with just the preps for India, the flights, the travel days to Delhi, the Taj Mahal, Jaipur "The Pink City", the Amer Fort, the monkeys, the chipmunks, just animals everywhere, the sweet family we stayed with, the joy of the boys, and so much more.  ( If you want to support Indian widows and orphans, I'd encourage you to make gift purchases through chunkyjunk.com. They sell jewelry, purses, and more.)   The plane ride was long, the Muslim call to worship rang out daily, the weather was like a hot Georgia summer, Michael and his buddy Charlie got pretty ill, our plane ride home nearly missed, things we bought were broken or missing upon our return, yet we never really thought about those things nor talked much about it since our return.  We never really felt inconvenienced, but more of an inconvenience when this family gave us the best rooms, sacrificed their food to serve us, and loved us well.  When we talk about India we remember the sweet family, the boys singing, their joy, the poverty, the majesty, and our Emmanuel for God was surely with us.   He knit our hearts to this sweet family and we want to return as soon as possible.  

2016~what a year.   December marked 5 years since I found out I had cancer.   It seems like so long ago now thankfully.      I'm feeling great, and my mind is clearer each year post chemo.    I'm still home schooling, tutoring with Classical Conversations, and working part-time at Control plus.  In the spring, we took a trip to Florida to celebrate my Uncle Mike's life.   The trip was bittersweet.  We had such a good time visiting family we don't normally see, but was definitely sad I couldn't have laughed with Uncle Mike one last time.  Rusty has been busy making cabinets.   We just returned from spending Christmas with his family in North Carolina.  It was such a fun trip full of laughs, hikes, food, and family.   He gave up his Mountain Dew this year due to a diabetes diagnosis.  Since giving up his beloved soda (😉), he lost 20# and has no problem with his sugar levels.   Also giving up all that sugar, he no longer has arthritic symptoms.     That's pretty exciting.  He's such a good Dad and has helped the kiddos build all kinds of projects this year.   

          Cindy moved to the Burn Unit as a surgery nurse this year, and has loved it.   She and Brandon have separated, but are keeping the children's lives as normal as possible.  Cindy also started her own business CRAFT (Custom Re-purposed Art Furniture & Tiles).   You can find it here on face book.  Rylie is in band this year playing the drums.   She is in 5th grade, and has caught up with Emily in height, and is such a smart girl.  She loves to dance with Emily, read, and play games.   Jackson is in 2nd grade.  He's also grown so much.   He loves legos and playing outside with Christopher climbing trees and just being all boy.

          John Russell and Lindsey have had a busy year.   John Russell continues to work for Advanced Industrial Refrigeration and has put in a lot of hours this year to help support Lindsey's last year of college.   We're so proud of the man he has become.   She graduated this December with a Biology major.   She wants to pursue a P.A. degree, but taking a year off to work first.  We are excited for her.    They still attend Grace Fellowship.  They are such a sweet couple, and I'm excited to see what the Lord has in store for them this year.

        Nicholas is still with John Deere.   He has worked hard at getting healthy himself this year and it shows.  He has registered with Augusta Tech to begin 2017.    He and Lydia are still a couple, and they attend Journey together.   They have been involved in Bible studies there, and enjoy movies, Mexican, and hanging out with friends.    He is moving out in a week.   Love seeing how the Lord is growing in him and the wise choices he makes. 
       Timothy graduated this year through Classical Conversations' Challenge program.  He has been working for  Door Hardware Contractors when he's not in school or studying.  He is also been enrolled at Augusta Technical College in their welding program since the fall.   His sweetheart's name is Olivia and they like hiking and being outdoors.    He still attends Kiokee when he isn't at Olivia's church (Lakeside).   He has a great heart that serves others well.
     Praise is in her final year of high school.   She is enrolled in the Challenge program as well as the Cosmetology program at Augusta Technical College.  She and all the younger ones are still at Kiokee with us.   Cosmetology is definitely a great fit for her as her hair color has changed quarterly for the last few years.   She was homecoming queen this year.   She's not only beautiful outside, but inside as well.    She wants to go to Jamaica on a mission trip in 2017.
     Michael is a sophomore this year.  He loves sports, and working hard.   He doesn't like to be bored, and wants to be moving all the time.  He gets up early to get his school done early so he can work with his Dad, meet with friends to go to the gym or disc golf, play football.   He fell in love with India and wants to go back 2017.     I love his heart to serve.
    Emily is nearing the tween stage.  She is 11, and in 6th grade.  She loves dancing, singing, playing cards, going to every church youth activity as does Michael, bicycling, and more.  She is still such a happy girl, and still very social.   She's always helpful and fun.  She's such a joy to our family.
   Christopher will always be the baby, but he no longer looks it.   He has grown so much.  He loves everything outside from basketball, bicycling, climbing trees, running races, etc.  He loves playing legos inside as well as drawing and coloring.   He has a sweet heart that loves to cook breakfast with his Daddy in the morning and me at night.

That wraps up our year.   Hope you all have a Happy New Year!