Exciting New Adventure

I awoke this morning with a sense of excitement.   I realized I have been sent on a mission field.   I am to give the Hope of Jesus where the fear of death is commonplace.  Last year I had no doctors.   Heck, last month I had no doctor.   Today I have 4, a gynecologist, a gastroenterologist, an oncologist, and a surgeon.  That's four new offices with lots of nurses.   I will be going 5 days a week for 8 weeks to chemo/radiation treatments and will have opportunities to speak to lots of people.   As a busy home schooling Mom of 8, I thought my big mission trips would come when the children are grown.  I could become a Betty Fountain, an older saint at our last church, who spent her last years going back to forth to Honduras ministering to others.   While they were in high school, my oldest daughter went to Honduras and my oldest son went to Brazil.  I hope each of my children get a taste of mission work before they leave home that spurs a lifetime interest of investment.   It's why we spent years of Tuesday mornings at our church's food pantry ministry.  I want our family to have a lifestyle of ministering to others.  But in the here and now, I was too busy in my family ministry to invest much time elsewhere.  

I will still be excited if God does a great miracle of healing in my body.  However, I sense a greater purpose in this trial than God being glorified in my healing right away.  Perhaps this time, it will be God glorified in my suffering.  I remember Pastor Wade sharing this as one of his life verses:  "I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in Him, not having my own righteousness, which is from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which is from God by faith; that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death, if, by any means, I may attain to the resurrection from the dead." Philippians 3:8-11  I always thought phew, not for me.   I do count everything loss for the excellence of knowing Christ BUT do not sign me up for that suffering part.  No thank you!

But now, I'm super excited about the opportunities before me.   (Remind me that when I'm sick and losing hair.)  So watch out Satan, what you meant for evil, God meant for good.

Beeeeeeeeep Beeeeeeeeep

This is a test. For the next few hours, this blog will conduct a test of the Miracle Broadcast System. This is only a test

Beeeeeeeeep   Beeeeeeeeep

This is a test of the Miracle Broadcast System. The broadcasters of miracles in voluntary cooperation with your prayers and the Holy Spirit have developed this system to keep you informed in the event of a miracle.

If this had been the actual miracle, the Attention Signal you just heard would have been followed by official hallelujahs, amens and Praise Jesus'.   All meals, transportation, planned on our behalf (unless you feel led....or if it's Mexican) will be suspended. 

This blog serves the praying saints on my behalf.  This concludes this test of the Miracle Broadcast System.

Biopsy Results Are In

So, I decide to see if the grandbabies can meet us at the indoor McDonald's playground knowing I won't be able to meet them out much after the chemo/radiation begins (at least not anywhere where germs are rampant as they tend to be in the winter.) 

Gastro doctor called while in the madness of the playground so I stepped outside.
"Hi Michelle.   Dr. Curtis is out of town.  I'm his partner and calling to tell you your results.  I know he probably told you what the chances were."

Me:  "Yes, he told me 99.9% he thought it was cancer.   But I'm sure you called to tell me that it was the .1% not."

Doctor:  "Well, that was hopeful (cheerful voice) and I wish it was true but no, I'm afraid you do have cancer........."

What a hard job that most be.   To be the doctor who has to tell folks that they have cancer.   Hoping I made his one call a little easier today by a little humor.   I know this didn't catch God by surprise so no need to fear.  Appreciate all the prayers and show of support.   Pray tomorrow that they find 1) I'm totally healed and the cancer has miraculously disappeared and/or 2) it's only in my colon. 

Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the LORD.  Psalm 31:24

Visit with Surgeon

Today my husband and I went to the surgeon.   Good news is that I should make beach weight this summer.   Bad news is I will because 8 weeks of radiation/chemotherapy is on the agenda.   The mass was confirmed by this doctor that it is large.  After being completely violated in details that I won't go into on this blog, he was happy to find the mass was much higher than thought so I shouldn't lose all my colon, probably only 1/3 and 2/3 of my rectum  They don't want to do surgery until they have shrunk the mass.  After those 8 weeks, my body rests for 8 weeks then I have the surgery to remove the mass and give me a temporary bag.   After 6-8 weeks of recovery, if I don't have to go through more chemo. they will put me back together again and I'll be almost as good as new.   However, no matter how  much weight I lose, he let me know my stomach muscles are complete separated from having so many children so unless I had stomach surgery I won't be having a six pack on the beach again this summer.   (Yep, that's been a real concern, lol.)  That's all the details as of yet.   Thank you so much for all the notes of concern and I cannot tell you how much your prayers mean to myself and my family during this time.   Much love, Michelle

Top 6 Countdodwn of What I may Hear from the Doctor Today

I head to the doctor to hear how serious things are and how we are going to proceed with this mass they found in me.   Bu my goofy sense of humor came up with at 3:30 this morning a top 6 countdown of what I may hear from the doctor today.  
6) You can't blame your weight on this mass. 
5) When your husband said you were full of it, well, you were.
4) This surgery is going to be a royal pain in your behind. 
3) You are at least "healthy" enough weight wise that you won't get too thin no matter what treatment we decide. 
2) You can use this as an excuse of why you cannot go to your friend's child's birthday party on a rainy Saturday in Chuckie Cheese. and last but not least 
1) You cannot make a sad countenance every time you are losing a game just so you'll be felt sorry for and they will let you win.


Ahh, laughter is good medicine.   Even made Rusty smile this morning as we head out in the cold, rain that would seem to be the perfect setting for dark news but.....Christ.

We Wish You a Mary Christmas

What a wonderful weekend!   We began our Christmas celebration at my daughter Cindy's house with all the Rutherfords, my sister's family (the Colstons), my mother & stepfather (a.k.a. Nana and Grandy Randy), Aunt Fran, Uncle Mike and Aunt Joan all came together.  We ate a feast of horsdevours followed by the sneaky Santa game with all the children.   It always brings rolls of laughter.  We then traded gifts with the families we wouldn't see on Christmas. 

We spent the night at my daughter's home and put our gifts under the tree as soon a we got the very excited little one's to sleep.   We read all the sweet notes that I had received concerning my illness.   We were overwhelmed with kindness and then we ended with giggles watching silly videos.   Hit the sack totally exhausted but awoke ~3 am with a frightening voice in my head telling me what awful news I was going o hear Tuesday and that there would be no hope for me.   My mind began to go places I had not allowed it to visit since hearing I had a mass Tuesday.   Fortunately for the great preaching I had heard under Pastor Wade Trimmer, his FEAR acronym came right to mind.   I preached to myself that fear was False Evidence Appearing Real.   Purposely choosing against allowing my mind to wander the rabbit trail of what if's and hopelessness I choose instead to pray and worship the Lord.  His peace surrounded me and I slept soundly the rest of the night and even awoke earlier than I had in months!! 

O come let us adore Him
O come let us adore Him
O come let us adore Him
Christ the Lord.

After making our family's grits casserole (recipe I believe is on my menu blog), we sat and slowly opened gifts.   With a large family such as ours, it takes quite a bit of time because we make sure every gift is seen, every one thanked, and savor each moment.    The wee ones still being in "training mode" had a little bit harder time but relatively quickly got the hang of it.    Then many went into nap mode while the mama's went into organizing and followed quickly by relaxing mode.   There are 16 people present and it's as peaceful as could be on this rainy, Christmas day.  At some point today, when the family is awake and attentive we'll read the His birth story in Luke and hopefully sing some carols together.

For He alone is worthy
For He alone is worthy
For He alone is worthy
Christ the Lord.

 We will have lasagne together around three.   Our family will gather from my daughter's family's home and unload at the house.   We will then go visit my mother's home as my brother will have arrived today.  Everyone has been so kind to me and I've not had to really fulfill my normal mom's roles.   My appetizer last night was even taken over by the women in the kitchen who ordered me to go sit.   The only thing I've personally prepared was the breakfast casserole.  

We give you all the glory

We give you all the glory

We give you all the glory
Christ the Lord.

"Like Mary, the mother of Jesus, I pray that you will make plans to have a “Mary” Christmas” by experiencing His entering into you, growing within you, happening through you, and impacting the world around you. May you not miss the Christ of Christmas and may you have a never ending “Mary” Christmas!" ~Wade Trimmer tridm.org

Merry Christmas Adam

You know, Adam came before Eve and tomorrow is Christmas Eve.  Have spent the day with my 4 youngest at my daughter's house.   We baked, we sat and laughed at youtube videos, we baked, I napped, we baked, we played jeopardy (and got spanked by her husband), now we need to clean but we are playing scrabble first.

Michael wanted to make a Happy Birthday Jesus cake and decided upon a peanut butter cake.  We made a french vanilla cake and flavored it with peanut butter.   After we baked the cake, we made peanut butter frosting with butter, peanut butter, powdered sugar and milk.   Michael frosted the cake and then cut up little peanut butter cups all over the top.   He did a great job.

Praise, Michael & Cindy also made cute little pretzel snacks with m and m's and chocolate chips.   They also made peanut butter, sugar, and chocolate chip cookies.  We baked many small loaves of bread.    We'll have to finish the rest of the baking tomorrow because if you stuck a fork in me now you'd find that I'm done.   Thanking the Lord for all the sweet notes of prayer I received today.  Good night.

I Don't Get the Slacker Mom Award, phew!!

I have been feeling lousy for  few months.   Most people don't know the intricate details of our big family but my husband has always provided well but it requires he works... a lot.     I don't complain (anymore, lol) because I realize it's how I'm able to be home and home school the children.  But that also means I get little sleep....6 hours the norm until a few months ago.   To pinpoint exactly when things weren't right is not easy.  I started out being early to our home school co-op on Tuesday's the first few months then I could barely get there when it began.   I began taking naps with my 2 year old (which I've never done unless I was pregnant and sick because it seemed such a waste of time.)   I fell asleep every night right after dinner.    My house began falling apart although the kiddos helped a lot; I just didn't have it in me to make them do more when I was becoming such a sluggard.  My thoughts were 1) I am truly lazy and a slob!  Why am I not doing more or 2) maybe I'm depressed but I cannot figure out about what for the life of me.   Therefore, when I finally took the time to go to the doctor, my iron was low, my blood pressure in normal range but high for me, cholesterol slightly high (did I mention I quit cooking and eating...this was not a surprise), but they couldn't find my uterus or ovaries until they did an ultrasound on the outside of my belly and they were high.   They sent me home with prenatal vitamins to get my iron levels up and I told my children we were expecting again...  the littles were all woo hoos.....the olders were like "mom, aren't you too old?"   I told them the truth, afterwards.  (I totally had them fooled because they know I'd always LOVE to have another baby.)  I agree with Mother Teresa when she said, "How can there be too many children? That is like saying there are too many flowers."

A colonoscopy and mammogram ordered next.  (When did I get so old?  The ladies I met last week thought I was 25 and now I'm having old folk's appointments!)    Well, everything changed after the colonoscopy when they told my husband and I that I had a large mass that needed to be removed immediately and were 99.9% sure it was colon/rectal cancer.  I advised them this was not the Christmas gift I wanted and could they please take it back.   Not understanding my goofy humor, they said they were so sorry.    We told the family and allowed them to tell others to pray.  The Lord is actually given me such a peace that I'm handling this news much better than my family.  (However, if it was one of my family members, I don't know if I'd be doing as well either.)   Humor has always been a part of our family and it helps in stressful times.   Proverbs 17:22 tells us a joyful heart is good medicine and I believe it.   When my mother checked in with me this morning, she asked if I knew how they were going to remove the mass.  I replied, "I don't know mom, but I have a feeling it's going to be a royal pain in the butt!!" and laughed and laughed and laughed.

"It's a Wonderful Life" has always been one of my favorite Christmas movies.   I've never been a pessimist as Jimmy Stewart's character plays.   However, I can relate to the surprise he felt when the whole town came to bless him in his darkest hours.   I have been overwhelmed with notes of encouragement, love and prayer.   There is already a blessing found in this situation I am facing.   Relationships are being restored.   Things seem pretty petty in the light of cancer.  I believe this outpouring of love from the church is already at work healing the seeds of cynicism that were planted in the hearts of some of my family members.   Although they still loved the Lord, they lost trust in the church body.  Praying this restores them to see that the Lord is still in the church.   Why He chose us to begin with is a mystery to me.   We are a mess!   But for some reason, He chooses to use the messy and ugly (like us) to bless the world with His love and grace.   What a Savior!

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood

and sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

and looked down one as far as I could

to where it bent in the undergrowth;

I've always loved this Robert Frost poem.   This new adventure that has been thrust upon me is not the path I would have chosen.  As a sweet friend told me when she faced breast cancer, she wouldn't have chosen it either but told the Lord she'd walk it with Him if that's the path He placed her on.  I too choose to walk in the way He leads. I hope, of course, that just as He healed my Praise from death, seizures, and macrocephalus, that He will choose to take this from me as well.  He's a big God! I know my path could change in a blink.  However, as Daniel and his friends told the king, I KNOW HE can, but if not...I still choose to praise Him.   Good grief...where else could I go?   Once you have tasted and seen that the Lord is good nothing else can satisfy!!
 

My brother and sister got the "Monk" gene that makes their homes neat as pins and I got the "happy go lucky wish I could be as neat gene".  I will never have a gorgeous all together home like my siblings (whom I'm so proud of), but it was a big relief to find out I wasn't going to get the 2011 Slacker Mom Award, I wasn't depressed nor crazy (although my family may say the jury is still out on that claim), I was just ill.   Time to heal up.   Will be doing a super healthy diet such as "The Hallelujah Diet" or "The Gerson Diet" that I watched in "A Beautiful Truth" last year beginning Monday.   Don't know how much exercise will happen as it takes all my strength just to get a "little" done each day but may walk with the kiddos when the energy hits.  I'm not going to function as if it's over.   I've got my fighting gloves on and until the Lord tells me different He is going to see us through this.   I've got too many little ones to not put up a big fight.   (Remind me of this if I get weary!)   I'm going to continue to try to live each day without regrets and press in to the Lord, my source of strength.   Lastly, I will choose to thank the Lord in all things (I Thess 5:18) even this dark and scary journey that I am choosing to see as a new adventure with the Lord.   It seems fitting to end with the last stanza of Robert Frost's poem.

 I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence;

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

Merry Christmas 2011

2011 Tordoff Holiday Letter

Greetings to the saints, faithful friends and family.  I've always loved how Paul began his letters.  Wishing my salutations to you could be so eloquent and inspiring, I chose to begin this letter with a snippet from Colossians 1:  ⁹And so, from the day we heard, we have not ceased to pray for you, asking that you may be filled with the knowledge of his will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, ¹⁰so as to walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to him, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God. ¹¹ May you be strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy, ¹² giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in light. ¹³He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of his beloved Son, ¹⁴ in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.

2011 has raced by.  Even though I am fighting the speed of each week with all my might by cutting out extras to enjoy each day, it still marches on rather quickly.   Our family has been blessed with another year of living life.   Though there are many days that we struggle to keep the house in order, the laundry under control, the sock basket full, the dishwasher empty, the garden weeded, school work completed... we press on.  Of course, my fantasy world would have me managing all my duties with excellence, always complete with plenty of time to study, draw, write, sew, bake, etc.   Reality smacks back and sometimes rather hard.  Having a choice of pondering the "if only's" or "keep on keeping on", I choose the latter and try to give thanks for all those duties.   Thank you Lord that when we hang out laundry we have the ability to enjoy nature for a few fleeting moments that I would otherwise not have taken time for. Thank you for this mountain of clothes to launder because you blessed my womb with a household of children fit for your kingdom and clothed them all.   Thank you for these dishes piled in my sink for you have provided my family with food.  Mostly this year, I thank the Lord for choosing a mess like me who struggles to balance life well and for constantly teaching me to find my identity in Him and not all my shortcomings (phew, that's BIG!).

John Russell is officially a MAN this year.   He is 18 and graduated.  He has been doing lots of odd work (from detailing cars, being the "geek squad" for a small company, and cleaning evictions) while saving up for personal training and nutrition courses.  He continues to enjoy working out, and hanging out with friends and family.  His dream would to one day own a Cross Fit gym. 

Nicholas, 16 and a junior in high school this year, has been working hard on his Classical Conversations Challenge II courses.   His favorite subject this year has been Biology.  He still enjoys running (like John Russell) or biking. He is now leaning towards being a linguist when he finishes his high school courses.   When we finish Latin II, he wants to begin Spanish, then Arabic.    He's more ambitious than I!

Timothy, 14, has had no more dramatic breaks to report this year, phew!  He has had no problems since his arm was repaired in surgery the year before.   He is working hard on his Challenge B courses.  His favorite subject this year is Science.  He continues to play tennis along with Praise, Michael and his cousins Clayton and Grace Anne.

Praise, 12, is in her last year of foundations in Classical Conversations.  Her favorite subject is art.  She and Timothy still cook a lot and she still dreams of owning a bakery with Grace Anne.    If we can not find her, she is usually hiding with a book.  She plays around at the piano so lessons are on the agenda and she enjoys tennis with the others.

Michael, 10, has probably grown the most this year.  His favorite subject is Geography.  He loves to camp outside with his brothers (unless he gets too cold), ride bikes, to swim, and play tennis.  He has made new friends through church and Classical Conversations this year.

Emily, 6, is in first grade and reading.   Strange to think I only have one more child to teach how to read.    Her favorite subject is math or as she calls it "numbers".   She loves playing at tennis :D, being outside with her siblings, and swimming in the summer.

Christopher, 2, is 98% potty trained hence my last year of diapers.  Happy for the savings but will miss the baby years.   He loves being with his nephew Jackson and making us laugh.   He woke up a few days ago and said he wanted to watch "Cake Boss."  He calls John Russell when he's gone and tells him to "come home" and "be careful".   He's still yummy to squeeze and smooch on.

Cindy's family is busy but doing great.  Brandon keeps busy with work and holding down the fort while Cindy is in school. Cindy is excelling in nursing school.  Rylie began Christian school at Augusta Christian and loves it.  Jackson, all boy, is a happy, smiley 3 year old.

Our family still enjoys lots of laughter.  I wish I wrote down all the funny things they say and do each day that keeps us in stitches and helps us struggle through life together with smiles on our faces.    I pray you had a wonderful year filled with laughter and joy despite any tears and heartache.  I pray you know the preeminence of Christ as found in Colossians 1 and know that ¹⁵ He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of all creation. ¹⁶For by him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities—all things were created through him and for him. ¹⁷And he is before all things, and in him all things hold together. ¹⁸And he is the head of the body, the church. He is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, that in everything he might be preeminent. ¹⁹For in him all the fullness of God was pleased to dwell, ²⁰and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether on earth or in heaven, making peace by the blood of his cross.  I pray that (Col 2) ⁶ therefore, as you received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in him, ⁷ rooted and built up in him and established in the faith, just as you were taught, abounding in thanksgiving.  

Love to all.  Be sure to keep in touch!

Merry Christmas to All

from the Tordoff Troop and

Blessings for a Wonderful New Year