Quote from "Stepping Heavenward" by Mrs. E. Prentiss

"She says I shall now have one mouth more to fill and two feet the more to shoe, more disturbed nights, more laborious days, and less leisure or visiting, reading, music and drawing.

Well! This is one side of the story, to be sure, but I look at the other.

Here is a sweet, fragrant mouth to kiss; here are two more feet to make music with their pattering about my nursery. Here is a soul to train for God; and the body in which dwells is worthy of all it will cost, since it is the abode of a kingly tenant. I may see less of friends, but I have gained one dearer than them all, to whom, while I minister in Christ's name, I make a willing sacrifice of what little leisure for my own recreation my other dear darlings had left me. Yes, my precious baby, you are welcome to her time, her strength, her health, her tenderest cares, to her lifelong prayers! Oh, how rich I am, how truly, wondrously blest!"

Thursday, December 22, 2011

I Don't Get the Slacker Mom Award, phew!!

I have been feeling lousy for  few months.   Most people don't know the intricate details of our big family but my husband has always provided well but it requires he works... a lot.     I don't complain (anymore, lol) because I realize it's how I'm able to be home and home school the children.  But that also means I get little sleep....6 hours the norm until a few months ago.   To pinpoint exactly when things weren't right is not easy.  I started out being early to our home school co-op on Tuesday's the first few months then I could barely get there when it began.   I began taking naps with my 2 year old (which I've never done unless I was pregnant and sick because it seemed such a waste of time.)   I fell asleep every night right after dinner.    My house began falling apart although the kiddos helped a lot; I just didn't have it in me to make them do more when I was becoming such a sluggard.  My thoughts were 1) I am truly lazy and a slob!  Why am I not doing more or 2) maybe I'm depressed but I cannot figure out about what for the life of me.   Therefore, when I finally took the time to go to the doctor, my iron was low, my blood pressure in normal range but high for me, cholesterol slightly high (did I mention I quit cooking and eating...this was not a surprise), but they couldn't find my uterus or ovaries until they did an ultrasound on the outside of my belly and they were high.   They sent me home with prenatal vitamins to get my iron levels up and I told my children we were expecting again...  the littles were all woo hoos.....the olders were like "mom, aren't you too old?"   I told them the truth, afterwards.  (I totally had them fooled because they know I'd always LOVE to have another baby.)  I agree with Mother Teresa when she said, "How can there be too many children? That is like saying there are too many flowers."

A colonoscopy and mammogram ordered next.  (When did I get so old?  The ladies I met last week thought I was 25 and now I'm having old folk's appointments!)    Well, everything changed after the colonoscopy when they told my husband and I that I had a large mass that needed to be removed immediately and were 99.9% sure it was colon/rectal cancer.  I advised them this was not the Christmas gift I wanted and could they please take it back.   Not understanding my goofy humor, they said they were so sorry.    We told the family and allowed them to tell others to pray.  The Lord is actually given me such a peace that I'm handling this news much better than my family.  (However, if it was one of my family members, I don't know if I'd be doing as well either.)   Humor has always been a part of our family and it helps in stressful times.   Proverbs 17:22 tells us a joyful heart is good medicine and I believe it.   When my mother checked in with me this morning, she asked if I knew how they were going to remove the mass.  I replied, "I don't know mom, but I have a feeling it's going to be a royal pain in the butt!!" and laughed and laughed and laughed.

"It's a Wonderful Life" has always been one of my favorite Christmas movies.   I've never been a pessimist as Jimmy Stewart's character plays.   However, I can relate to the surprise he felt when the whole town came to bless him in his darkest hours.   I have been overwhelmed with notes of encouragement, love and prayer.   There is already a blessing found in this situation I am facing.   Relationships are being restored.   Things seem pretty petty in the light of cancer.  I believe this outpouring of love from the church is already at work healing the seeds of cynicism that were planted in the hearts of some of my family members.   Although they still loved the Lord, they lost trust in the church body.  Praying this restores them to see that the Lord is still in the church.   Why He chose us to begin with is a mystery to me.   We are a mess!   But for some reason, He chooses to use the messy and ugly (like us) to bless the world with His love and grace.   What a Savior!

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood

and sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

and looked down one as far as I could

to where it bent in the undergrowth;
I've always loved this Robert Frost poem.   This new adventure that has been thrust upon me is not the path I would have chosen.  As a sweet friend told me when she faced breast cancer, she wouldn't have chosen it either but told the Lord she'd walk it with Him if that's the path He placed her on.  I too choose to walk in the way He leads. I hope, of course, that just as He healed my Praise from death, seizures, and macrocephalus, that He will choose to take this from me as well.  He's a big God! I know my path could change in a blink.  However, as Daniel and his friends told the king, I KNOW HE can, but if not...I still choose to praise Him.   Good grief...where else could I go?   Once you have tasted and seen that the Lord is good nothing else can satisfy!!
My brother and sister got the "Monk" gene that makes their homes neat as pins and I got the "happy go lucky wish I could be as neat gene".  I will never have a gorgeous all together home like my siblings (whom I'm so proud of), but it was a big relief to find out I wasn't going to get the 2011 Slacker Mom Award, I wasn't depressed nor crazy (although my family may say the jury is still out on that claim), I was just ill.   Time to heal up.   Will be doing a super healthy diet such as "The Hallelujah Diet" or "The Gerson Diet" that I watched in "A Beautiful Truth" last year beginning Monday.   Don't know how much exercise will happen as it takes all my strength just to get a "little" done each day but may walk with the kiddos when the energy hits.  I'm not going to function as if it's over.   I've got my fighting gloves on and until the Lord tells me different He is going to see us through this.   I've got too many little ones to not put up a big fight.   (Remind me of this if I get weary!)   I'm going to continue to try to live each day without regrets and press in to the Lord, my source of strength.   Lastly, I will choose to thank the Lord in all things (I Thess 5:18) even this dark and scary journey that I am choosing to see as a new adventure with the Lord.   It seems fitting to end with the last stanza of Robert Frost's poem.

 I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence;

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.


Anonymous said...

As you and your family go through these "deep waters" I will be praying for you. Your attitude and ability to see the good already is amazing...alls grace. Nancy W.

Janet said...

Funny how we moms press on and keep going, ignoring the signs that something may be wrong. I understand. Praying for you.

Anonymous said...

What beautiful words you have written! You truly have an understanding of God's grace and His sovereignty. We will pray for healing and that He will continue to draw you closer to Himself and answer your prayers that this trial will indeed produce much fruit in the lives of your family as they watch you day by day.

Sheryl said...


I'm a missionary MOMYS in Ecuador--I just wanted to let you know that I read your blog today and am just so encouraged by your faith, humor, and trust in the Lord! May God grant you an extraordinary peace, a closer understanding and relationship with Him, great times of teaching and modeling for your children and friends, and may He heal you from your cancer! We don't know what that will look like, but we know it will happen! Thank you so much for sharing, even during a hard time. Sheryl

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