I was pondering whether to keep this daily blog of our cancer story because it sounds like "me, me, me, it's all about me." However, today I received encouraging e-mails and a phone call that it was helping other people with their family's walk with sickness. Therefore, write I will. I was excited that last night was my first night without taking pain medicine to sleep in months and that I haven't gotten sick from the chemo. Today started out really well. Although it was really cold and windy, it was a beautiful morning. My husband and I went to get my radiation, grabbed a few things at Wal Mart that we needed at home, and I was done before he even paid. Exhaustion hit and I went to the car. By noon pain returned again and doggone it if I didn't start getting nauseous around 1 or 2:00 p.m. Rested and played computer games in the bed with the hubby while older children finished up school, my oldest son and 2nd daughter painted the bathroom, and the others cleaned their rooms and then played wii. At around 6 p.m., I began throwing up. Now, although I have had plenty of experience throwing up because I did so with nine of my pregnancies, it's still awful. There's no sugar coating vomiting whether it's cleaning up after your children or if it's you running to the commode yourself. It's just terrible. When life feels really stinky with things I'm facing, I always have a few choices. First: I can feel sorry for myself. Throw myself a pity party. I'm sure my family and close friends would join me for a bit but then everybody gets tired of it including the party thrower. So, option number one will not work for me. Secondly: Become a martyr by not throwing a loud pity party but instead choose to feel sorry for myself in silence but tell everybody else it's not so bad while excusing myself to run to the bathroom carrying my chemo bag and puke. Thirdly: Preach to myself. Preaching to myself I can be honest about how I feel but speak God's Word into the situation.
Pastor Wade Trimmer (tridm.org) taught us well about preaching to ourselves (and others). One example is when I'm feeling sorry for myself in any way I can go to the Word and remind myself that I am one of God's SPECIALS! Because I have received Jesus as my Savior, I can remind myself that I am Sovereignly chosen, Positionally holy, Experientially changed, Completely accepted, Incredibly secure, Avowedly valuable, I've been Legally cleared, and even if I don't feel like it, I am being Securely managed. When I'm not feeling so sick, I'll pull out my notes with all the scriptures to back these claims.
One of the first e-mails I received was from Pastor Wade reminding me to preach to myself during this trial. He wrote “Stop listening to all the temporal reports, especially what your own self is probably saying and start preaching to yourself. No prattling, murmuring or mumbling speech is to be allowed. With the boldness of a convinced believer, take hold of yourself and preach! Proclaim good news, glad tidings of great joy. (By the way, this is not positive thinking or "word of faith" theology or magic. This is preaching the gospel of Christ to yourself.)"
Then he gave me some great specifics that I have preached to myself along the way that I will share from his letter below.
Tell yourself that you are loved by God, that Christ has died in your stead, that the Holy Spirit lives in you, consecrating you to God and guaranteeing your salvation. Tell yourself that you will celebrate all that Father God’s precious Son is: who He is to you, and for you, over you, and within you, through you, and before and upon you. Before all Heaven proclaim: Christ is supreme, sovereign, superior, sufficient and totally satisfying – and He is mine and I am His!
Inform yourself that Jesus is your defense attorney, that he pleads his blood in response to every charge brought against you. Tell your sickness that not only do you have a defense attorney, but Jesus is your Great Physician and because of that its days are numbered. And even if it should—God forbid—last till your dying breath, it will thus be vanquished for all eternity while you escape to perfect health and everlasting joy. Thumb your nose at it and declare it won't win. Christ won, so Christ will. You will outlast your sickness, because Christ, who is your life, is in you as the hope of glory, and He will outlast it. Tell yourself that you may be in a deep pit, but Christ is deeper still!
Then Pray: Father, I come boldly before Your throne of grace to obtain help and strength for healing in my body. Father, You said that You desire above all things that we would prosper and be in good health. You instructed us not to forget the benefits, which You have given us as children of God. For You said that You would forgive us of our sins and iniquities, and You would heal us of all our sickness and diseases (Ps 103:3-5). Therefore, as a child of the Most High God, I receive the blessings and benefits of my healing.
Father, You warned us that the righteous would have many afflictions, but You promised to deliver us from them all (Ps 34:9). So Father, I thank You for delivering me from this physical affliction.
Father, I thank You that You have given us authority to speak to our circumstances. Therefore, by the authority of the name of my Lord Jesus Christ, I speak unto my mountain, which is this sickness, and I command it to be removed, uprooted, and cast into the sea. And even as Jesus spoke to the fig tree and told it to die, and it died, I speak to this sickness, and I command it to die at the very root, and not to spring up again.
By the authority of the name of Jesus Christ, I command every cell, every molecule, every organ, and every part of my body to operate and perform the way that God made them to perform. I reverse the curse of sickness, and I receive the blessing of healing in my body.
Father, Your word tells us that You are the God that heals us of all of our sickness and diseases. You said that You would take sickness and disease away from us, and You promised to fulfill the number of our days, which is seventy years, and then some. I thank You Father, for taking away this infirmity from my body. And even as You have begun a good work in my life, I am confident that You will perform and complete it; for Your word tells us that with long life You will satisfy us and show us the salvation of the Lord. So I thank You Father, for healing me of this sickness, and also for blessing me with a long and healthy life.
Father, I thank You that my prayers avail much in victory. For You said, “...the effectual, fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.” Father, as I have prayed this prayer, I thank You that Your word shall not return unto You void, but it will accomplish that which You send it to perform. I therefore, release my faith by the word of God which I have prayed. And again I confess, that “WITH THE STRIPES OF JESUS CHRIST, I AM HEALED!” In the name of Jesus Christ, I pray and receive my healing, AMEN.
I can't help get so excited about the Lord and who He is after I've preached to myself. Even though I'm tired, I'm hurting, and I feel I could throw up again within this very hour, my spirit is full of His peace and joy. What battle are you fighting today? What struggles are you facing? God's Holy Word has answers for you and I hope that you will search it like you would search for a guaranteed great treasure. Find out what God says about those struggles, those battles, about you, about Him, and preach to yourself the good news of Jesus!!